Dear Younger me: I still believe

Remember when life was a blank canvas and as kids there was so much we believed in? Can you go back to believing like a child?

I feel nostalgic this Saturday and it was all because I watched a 10 minute video of all the opening songs to some of my favorite cartoons while growing up as a child. The most nostalgic 10 minutes of my life that took me back to remembering the little girl who believed in so much more and thought of life a little differently than I do as an adult. Oh, how damaging a couple years can have on us. We are now believing less and conforming more to what has been set and stone because it is easier to believe in what we see than what we can not see.

What happened to that little girl or boy who just believed in themselves and anything mommy and daddy said? Well, we grow up and once we got some understanding and stumbled upon some pain, shame, guilt and frustration we stopped believing in almost everything. We got into our teen years and we found ourselves trying to believe other stuff that were not true because everyone else was doing it, so we thought fitting in was much easier. Why did we conform? Why did we stop believing? We started to believe less in our abilities and our strengths because let us face it there people out there who do it better than you did. There is a prettier girl than you, there is a more handsome fella than you, their are more smarter people than you. But truth is they can’t be you and you definitely can’t be them and that is okay. Believing in yourself is so important because it sets you up to be an authentic version of yourself. In the a society where everyone is trying to be someone they are not, it feels good to be a real version of yourself. Your skills, your talent, your abilities and strengths can take full form if you can only believe. Believe like you did as kid! As a kid, you were doctor, a lawyer, an activist, a pastor, a fashion designer, a baker etc. It is still possible to be that kid again that believed that you could do it all. There is a place that can make use of your skill, there are people who will appreciate you talent and their are people out there that will believe for you if you are having a hard time at it.

It is never too late to believe again, I have had conversations with people younger, my age and older and the usual response is something in these lines;

  • It is too late to start the business
  • It is too late to pursue that job
  • It is not worth it investing into my dreams at my age
  • I am too old
  • I am too young
  • I am not qualified
  • Starting a new life in a different place is too risky
  • I have children
  • I have a terrible past

Excuses are the enemy that hinder us from believing in us again. We now have an excuse for everything because it is much easier to be excused than to believe. What ends up happening is that we settle feeling unfulfilled. We settle for the miserable and unhealthy relationships, we settle for the job we hate, we settle for the regular because we don’t believe for better.

Doubt is another enemy that hinders us from believing in us again. We doubt that things will get better because maybe things at some point in our lives didn’t get better, but that should not keep us from believing again. We doubt and so we make excuses. We have already counted ourselves out even before we try. We have to stop looking for signs for us to believe because God does not always give us signs. He will test our faith by not giving us a sign and because we didn’t see a sign we don’t believe, ye of little faith.

27 Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”

John 20:27

We want God to move while we have settled in our lives full of excuses and doubt. God does not operate that way, he wants to meet us half way, we have take the step first, even one step is enough to show God that you are serious. God is looking for believers, a people that believe that all things are possible just like a child. God comes through for some crazy believers that believe in themselves and the God they serve. I am sure you have meant some of these crazy believers that just jump and never find excuses that reason with their logic. Might as well jump with them

In closing, is younger you proud of where you are at right now? Or is he/she reminding you of the dreams and aspirations you once had? If younger you is not happy with were you are in life currently, then it means you got some work to do. You have to believe again! You have to break all that has kept you from believing again. You are capable, no one can be you better than you can! Let’s get to work! We are trading our thorns for crowns!

Much Love,

Xholiwe

Healing is your responsibility: Emotional wounds

God’s touch has so much power that it can instantly make you feel better when you allow him to touch you where it hurts and heal you.

There is something about a mother’s love for her children that makes observing it for me so profound. I usually sit in the back pews at church just a two rows down from the pews filled with families. There is a mom who has three beautiful kids that I can’t help but observe her interaction with her little boy. Her little boy is so trusting of his mother that he usually runs to her when he is hurt because he trusts his mother will sooth him like she always does when he is hurt. There is one profound observation for me, one time the little boy was hurt physically and he ran to his mother, his mother kissed his little hand where he was hurt and the little boy ran off to play in a few minutes because it was all better.Oh how I wish healing from emotional hurt was that easy, kiss it and it goes way. Unfortunately, as we grow older and we start to lose the innocence of a child it gets harder to trust that we will be healed instantly by a simple act of someone else kissing our hurt away. As we grow older we have to be responsible for our own healing, not physically only, but emotionally and it may take a little more than a kiss on the hand to make us feel better.

Going back to my observation of the little boy and his mother, there is one thing or two the little boy teaches us. He teaches us that healing is not something we have to do alone. He also teaches us to trust in someone that truly loves us and wants to see us well again. In the same way, we do not have to try to heal alone, we have access to God who we can trust can help us heal from our emotional hurt. God wants to see us well again, but we need to realize that healing is our responsibility. We can not expect healing to come to us if we do not act upon seeking it. What use is it for us to want to be healed when we continue to nurse emotional wounds on our own? Rather than us nursing old wounds, how about we become honest with ourselves and come to terms with the fact that we need healing. I think honesty is our first step towards being responsible for our healing. How does one heal if they think there is nothing to heal from? We need to be honest that there are some emotional wounds that we need healing from. The second step would be accepting these emotional wounds caused you pain and you not constantly covering them up. Emotional wounds can not be covered up for so long before they start to show through your attitude towards yourself and others. It takes one trigger that can set off a perfectly covered up emotional wound to burst up in flames. How does this happen? Someone acts like another person that hurt you in the past and since you have not done a good job healing, you reaction to their acts still comes from a place of pain. You don’t believe? have an honest moment with yourself and think of the time you reacted to someones actions because they reminded you of someone else that hurt in the exact same way. Yes, you need healing and it is entirely up to you.

Why is it your responsibility? It is not like it was your fault any way, other people hurt you and they should come fix it and help you heal. Wrong, truth is that people hurt you one way or another whether it was their intention or not, but if you wait on them to come and make everything alright, you might wait for the rest of your life. If you are saying it is not fair, I see where you are coming from because you feel like you are left alone to pick up the broken pieces and heal all by yourself while the ones that hurt you move on with their lives. Your job is not to keep tabs on their lives, you job is to begin working on your healing.

Understand that the emotional wounds that have brought you to a place where you desperately seek healing will be the emotional scars that remind you of how strong you can be despite all the hurt. Healing takes work, and you need your natural effort to match the super natural efforts of God to help you heal. Since you are taking responsibility for your healing, here is what you are doing in the nature;

  • You are being honest with yourself about the hurt you have experienced
  • You are accepting the existence of the emotional wounds that were caused from the hurt in your life
  • You are praying; your prayers are aimed towards forgiving yourself, forgiving others, denouncing guilt, letting go of all the hurt that came with the wounds, seeking peace and comfort from God, asking for healing and restoration.
  • You are reading the word; the word that point to healing and let’s you know that God is a healer and all the promises that are in the bible serve as a reminder
  • Cultivating your environment; your surroundings should cultivate peace, the people in your life as you go through the process of healing should bring peace and encourage you to move forward. Be around people that pray for you and trust that God will see you through the healing process
  • Spend time loving on you: Do things that you actually love to do and be unapologetic about your choice to heal. It is so important to spend time with yourself and love on you as much as possible. Be your own crush everyday
  • Protect you peace as you go through the process of healing.

Here is what God does for you Super naturally;

  • He gives you undeniable peace while you go through the process
  • He listens to your prayers and gives you strength as you seek healing
  • He helps change your environment by allowing people in your life that will genuinely pray, encourage and lift you up as you go through the process
  • He speaks to you through his word reminding you that he loves you and that he can heal you from your wounds
  • Just like the mother that kissed her son’s little hand so the little boy can feel better, God’s touch has so much power that it can instantly make you feel better when you allow him to touch you where it hurts and heal you.

He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.

Psalms 147:3 KJV

It is time to put in the work, if you want this healing you will need to be responsible for it all the way. God is a healer and he will not allow you to do this alone. His word already confirms that he heals the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds. He will bind your emotional wounds once you give him the permission to do so. It takes a touch from God to make all things better!

It is time to get healed!

Much love, Xholiwe

Collectibles: Can Pain be a collectible?

Sometimes what we do is display our pain just like a passionate collector displays their findings.
-Xholiwe

It was not until I moved to the US that I discovered how collecting specific items was a thing that people took very seriously. Passionate collectors make it their primary mission to find rare collectible items for their satisfaction. There are several collectible items people choose to collect, items such as coins, chinaware, figurines, books, stamps, paintings, signed baseballs and the list goes on! Have you ever been around people that collect similar stuff? If you have never done so, I suggest you do because the conversation is full of passion and desire for the next item they plan to collect and display. I was graced with the opportunity to be around such conversations for an assigned project in college that involved me visiting an Antique store and I never thought doorknobs were that important till that day. There were two passionate doorknob collectors that shared their love for collecting door knobs that could not stop raving about door knobs and how they add character to a home. The antique store I visited had what they needed, a variety of doorknobs that they took the time to carefully study and share their thoughts on each one. While I didn’t have the interest to learn about doorknobs, one thing that was very clear to me was that these people were passionate and it would take a lot to convince them that the doorknobs to me looked like every other doorknob. There was nothing that screamed meaningful to me about the doorknobs and that is because it is not my thing and I did not share the same passion as they did for doorknobs.

To my knowledge, I don’t think I collect specific items, but I was thinking hard on collectibles this week and that is why I am writing on it. I will obviously be use collectibles to talk about collecting pain because pain can be a collectible too! Don’t believe me?! Find two people in conversation that are dealing with similar pain and reference back to my story about the two doorknob collectors.

How do we collect pain you ask? Well, for some of us it starts as early as our childhood and then over the years it piles up. We get to our adult years and we have been bruised and battered by the pains of this world. It is very easy at this point in our lives to even display our pain without even noticing we are doing so because it how been with us for a long time. Sometimes what we do is display our pain just like a passionate collector displays there findings. Pain is usually displayed through our anger, hatred, depression, bitterness and sorrow. And then we get around other people with similar pain and we share our pains like a crazed figurine collectors. Unfortunately, most of these conversations are not shared from a place of healing, but we still hold on to every pain because it feels safer to hold on to it rather than letting go. You become a hoarder of your collectible pains, just like any other collector, you have a tough time letting go because it is meaningful to you and no one felt what you felt right? I get it, I have been there too! I thought my pain was my trophy, but in actuality it was my prison. Truth is that it very easy to pile up on pain after pain if you continue to allow pain to dictate how you live your life.

Unfortunately, when we continue to be around those that are dealing with similar pain, healing can be difficult. In that case, we need to surround ourselves with those that want your healing and theirs too. What this does is that it encourages us to focus less on our pains and start to desire healing. All of us have dealt with pain, big or small it is still pain, but how we decide to deal with pain determines how long we will stay in that prison. When Jesus was on earth, he did not just heal people physically, but he also healed the broken. Jesus wants to see us healed and whole, but we have normalized pain that we find nothing wrong living our lives full of it.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalms 34:18 NIV

Rest in this verse that tells you that the Lord is close to the brokenhearted. People around you may not understand what this pain really did to you, but he know and he wants to save you from all of it, not some, but all! You have to stop treating pain like a trophy and realize that it is a prison you need to be set free from. I challenge you today to treat pain as a give away, all the pain you have collected over the year needs to be given to God. It is time to clear out the display of thorns and time to replace the thorns with crowns.