Positioned to praise: What happens when we praise

Whether as a collective or in one’s personal time with God, praise will forever hold its power. I have been thinking heavily about praise this week and thought about all the powerful and transformative things that happened because people praised God. I am convinced that when God said he delights in the praises of his people, he also meant that our praising him is powerful. I can attest to the power of praise in my life, I have seen what it can do and how my praising God changed my situations. I hope after you read this blog you allow yourself to praise God in whatever situation you may be experiencing right now. There is power in your praise!

The position of praise

I have been reading a couple of verses in Genesis this past week and as I read I see that everything God created was created with the intent to praise. And because we are God’s creation, we too are created with the intent to praise. Praise even when it is not given to God from man shows us that man intends to praise something. It is almost as if it is second nature, and notice if a man is not praising God, they will surely find something else to praise. Here is a good example, when the Israelites (people of God) were in the wilderness and many other times after, they decided they needed to give praise and worship to something else, and idol praise and worship seemed ideal at the time. Their act of praise to idols often led God away from them. I know that is then and this is now, but we too sometimes shift our praises and in this modern world there is much to praise aside from God. There are several ways we shift our praise towards something else, but for the sake of this blog, I want to highlight self-praise and praising man. When we shift our praise we find our position of praise is taken away from the initial intent God created us to praise. If we are to restart and shift our praise, how do we position ourselves to praise as intended? And how then will our praise be powerful?

Positioning ourselves to praise is not just our outward gestures, it needs to start from the heart (Psalms 119v7). Powerful praise happens when the intent of our praise to God is pure and humble. The act of praise is one that communicates to God that we acknowledge him and his position in our lives (Hebrews 13 v 15). So when we dance or clap or lift up our arms, and say words of praise we are saying “God I acknowledge you in my life”. When one is positioned to praise they are to start with searching their hearts first and knowing their intent is to praise God. When I think of pure intent and humility to praise, I think of King David from the bible. He was a King that was praised, but what he did well was he gave praise to God. He was always positioned to praise God through the good and bad of his life. Through his act of praise, he saw the transformative power of God and the favor of God over his life. He was a relentless praiser and it is evident in how his life and legacy carried through all the way to Jesus. The position of praise is a place of humility that takes away the need for man to self-praise, but instead, look to God and give God the praise as it was intended in the beginning.

The Power of our praise

There are many beautiful and transformative stories that the bible tells of what happened when people praised God and some of you might say that was for them only to experience, but I want to help you change your mind. I want you to believe in the power of your praise even in the darkest of times. Praise is your weapon and when you use it, you see for yourself its transformative powers. No longer is it something your read about in the bible, but you experience it. When you praise you send an open invitation for God to come in on that situation. We all know what happens when God steps in! Things happen! The difficult times feel lighter when you praise, the seemingly impossible situation becomes possible, and victory from the enemy is sure! Why? because you praised as it was intended. I pray that your praise may never be silenced by your life circumstances. The power lies when you open your mouth to give God praise despite it all. Praising is not just a bunch of words or a perfect symphony put together, it is much bigger than all of that. The soul yearns to praise God even without all the words and symphonies because we were created to do so. Those that fully know the power of praise will understand that God is in control and through their praise, they can reach to him and he will respond. He responds in amazing ways, his response is liberating and brings joy to the downcast soul.

He is the one you praise; he is your God, who performed for you those great and awesome wonders you saw with your own eyes.

-Deuteronomy 10 v 21-

He is the one you praise! He is in control! God is never caught off guard by our life and experiences. When we experience life’s ups and downs I do hope we are positioned to praise so that he can turn things around for us. Blessings are evident in our lives and all around us, we have seen transformative changes in our lives and that of others. Let us not be blinded by the idea that we are the ones that did that all on our own and fall into the trap of self-praise. Let us not fall into another trap of praising man for something we are certain was God’s response. He is the one we praise, not self or man, therefore, make his name known and give God the praise and see with your own eyes. It is time to take your rightful place, it is time to trade thorns for crowns!

Much love,

Xholiwe

Holding on to Hope: Why hold on?

“I am sorry, mom is no more” My aunties sat close by me as they told me this and waited for my reaction. Denial quickly set into me and I asked, “what do you mean mom is no more?” then the news settled, my mother just passed away. I went into a panic and began to cry frantically, but that was not my state a few hours before this devastating news. A few hours before this I was holding on to hope that my mother would be healed from that illness. I said a prayer before taking a peaceful nap and held on to whatever small hope I had left, but this news killed the little hope I had stored up. I was hoping for a different outcome, but it quickly began to feel unfair and I remember thinking why did I even hope. Why did I hold on to hope when the situation was hopeless? What did the little hope I held on to do for me? I know those are a lot of questions, but I want to share on what holding on to hope can do for you even in the most hopeless situations.

I did a little research on Google and asked Google how many times the word hope is mentioned in the bible. Well, Google doesn’t know it all, but from the few numbers that came up it is at least over a hundred times across the different versions of the bible that the word hope is mentioned. It gave me much reason to understand the significance of holding on to our hope, I am certain that when God mentions a word over a hundred times, then we should know what it means to him. Hope like many other words gives so much meaning to one’s life, to many of us it is a core of our continued will to stay alive. Our plans, aspirations, desires, goals just to mention a few are encompassed by the word “hope”. As christians we find our confidence, strength and motivation is in the things we hope for. Let hope not be mistaken for a wish, hope is holds much weight than a mere wish. Hope is literally a pushing force that ignites our faith and gives us much reason not to quit. The unforeseen power of hope is that it is the peaceful reassurance even in the midst of a hopeless situation. That is why we must hold on to it knowing that in our hope there is reassurance that whatsoever the outcome, things are going to be just fine. I look back now to when I was told the news about my mother’s passing and think to myself, it was my hope that helped me endure the grief and loss of my mother. Also, it is now hope that reminds me that hopeless situations are not all the way hopeless if you hold on to whatever little hope you have left.

Anchored in hope

The purpose of an anchor is to keep something from moving, to stay grounded. When we are anchored in hope even though we did not get that positive outcome we wanted, our anchor sets us up to stay grounded in our belief in God and also reminds us that it will not always be this way. We hold on to hope knowing that our hope will see us through several other difficulties we may face in the future and we will not be shaken. Understandably, we have been faced with some difficult times in our lives, it could be the loss of a loved one, loss of opportunities to better our lives, just to mention a few. In those difficult times we have hoped and prayed for a positive outcome, only to be faced with a different outcome. Hope after the different outcome is what builds us up to persevere this halt or set back we are face to face with. It is important to stay anchored in such difficult times before we drift away into despair.

Why hold on?

The big question is why should we hold on to something that is not even certain? We hold on because our hope is the essence of our continued lives lived on Earth. By holding on we save ourselves from going into to despair (a state of hopelessness) from the many struggles we face and will face in the future. Have you ever met a person that let go of hope and you saw their despair? they don’t have to verbally say it because it could be felt. Despair just like many other undesired feelings comes because we let go of our hope. Therefore, holding on to our hope is important because it is what pushes us keep going on in this life long journey filled with many twists and turns. Again, holding on to hope is where you find your strength, you peace and your willingness to keep going despite all things. So hold on to it!

GOd and hope

You know I will not write a whole blog post without quoting the bible verse that speaks of hope and like the church girl I am, I find such joy in reading this verse over and over again especially when I feel like I am losing hope or I am getting low on faith.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Hebrews 11 v1

Hope brings about faith, both things that God desires we have in our lives. While we hope, we build our faith, is that not amazing? why not hold on to something that actually builds even greater faith within you for the things unseen. I believe God wants us to hold on to hope for several reasons, but mainly for him to fulfil his promises over our lives. God knows that our hold gives us confidence to even overcome the next (2 Cor 3:12). Another amazing thing about hope is that it brings us peace and joy (read Proverbs 10 v 23). It doesn’t end there, remember what I said earlier, hope is our anchor (read Hebrews 6:19). All the good comes from us hold on to hope, and that could be even the smallest hope you have left in you. hope anyway because;

For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees?

Romans 8 v 24 (ESV)

We are saved in our hope! Let that sink in the inner depth of your soul, especially if you have been not been doing well with holding on to your hope. If we saw it all we would hope, but then like the verse says, who hopes for what he sees?

In ending this post, I urge you to hold onto your hope in God, in your life, for your family, for your aspirations and for your healing (we are need it, trust me). Fight your way out of despair and hope again. What brought you to despair was not meant to keep you there and leave you there. There is hope in the things unseen and yours is to pick up on that hope and hold on to it and never let it go. It is time for you to take your rightful place! it is time to trade thorns for crowns.

Much Love,

Xholiwe

Commitment Issues: You made the decision, now what?

Crowned Royals!! Greetings! Greetings! and many more greetings! This is to make up for all the months that have went passed without my hellos. I hope you are well and are using everyday to trade those thorns for crowns. Forgive my silence, I used most of my time away to catch up with travel, something that makes me feel connect to the world and absolutely love. Last year was pretty hard for a travel junkie like me because of the travel restrictions due to the pandemic, but I am thankful to God I got to see a few places this summer. My last blog was about making decisions and I wanted to pick up where I left off and tie this bow up. Decisions are often followed with commitment, and while making decisions can be easy, commitment to those decision can be hard. Just like you, I have made the decision and struggled with the commitment, so how can we deal with our commitment issues?

Did you notice the blog photo I settled for captures two wedding bands? I couldn’t think of any other form of commitment that holds so much weight than marriage. Yes, I know 50% of marriages end up in divorce, but before that happened two people decided to commit to it and along the way for various reasons, things changed. No, this is not turning into a relationship blog, but keep the idea of this type of commitment to your decision making and commitment as we unpack together. Many of the decisions we make whether small or major require some level of commitment, but what happens when we fear commitment to those decisions? we run into commitment issues! What are commitment issues?

commitment issues

Commitment issues can stem up from several places, it would be fear based off past experiences or difference in opinions. When someone is having commitment issues, most of their decision making can be based off a fear of the unknown. The fear of the unknown raises the question of what ifs….The danger to this is that we could be making the right decisions, but would be unable to accomplish because of our commitment issues, hence limiting ourselves. For example, I watched a BBQ show sometime ago on Netflix and one episode told a story of a young man from a little town in the South that was good at barbecuing. His barbecue joint was in the family for many years and passed down to him and he would also train his son to take over the business after him. He know his place was good and people in the bigger city would want to have a taste of his amazing food, however, his family feared for him to move to a bigger city and that eventually made him fear as well for years. He would be offered an opportunity to expand his business, but would decline it and not commit even though he wanted to. After some years, he finally got the courage to commit to his decision to move to the bigger city and he never looked back. He grew his business in the big city and investors invested into his eating place all because he committed himself to his decision. Perfect happy ending right? What if he decided to stay in the small city and allowed his commitment issues to limit his reach? We would be telling a different story and that story would not be as great as what changed for the young man. While we are not facing the decision to move our eating places to a bigger city, we are still facing some decisions we are having a tough time committing to due to our commitment issues.

Why Commitment?

Ever heard of someone not committed to anything accomplish something significant in their lives or that of others? I will wait. I bet you haven’t, but we hear many stories of those that commited and accomplished much. Commitment is an action and if one struggles with commitment issues that means that decisions are made without action or intention to commit.

Imagine with me for a second, Jesus’s commitment to die on the cross for us…significant right? but imagine if he dealt with commitment issues, what would have that meant for us? But Jesus was commitment till the very end even with the process, the pain and the sacrifice. The whole point of commitment is not giving up. What makes it so difficult for us to commit to a decision that will be for our good? While there are several excuses and reasons we can use to justify our lack of commitment or fear of it, what then do we do when our commitment issues contribute to our constant draw back? T.D Jakes said this “you cannot conquer what you are not committed to.” Many of us want accomplish this change in our lives and all that is good to manifest in our lives, but have we ever thought the reasoning behind us not accomplishing is due to our struggle with commitment issues. We want the good [insert your heart’s desire], but the good cannot be achieved if we don’t commit to our decision. Here is why you should commit;

  1. Your commitment pleases God
  2. Commitment helps build your character
  3. Commitment makes you accountable for your own progress, errors and corrections
  4. Commitment makes dreams a reality
  5. Commitment is rewarding when you put in the work
  6. Commitment pushes you to succeed

Still need more reasons to convince you to commitment to your decisions? I don’t have to go have far. Just think of the many things that you have limited yourself of accomplishing by allowing your commitment issues to hold you back. I get it, I too have had some things that I convinced myself out of because of the fear that came from my commitment issues. Just like you I have had my many excuses that were backed up with detailed reasoning, but at the end I still was the one that lost. Many of us are losing because we are afraid, and if we were to all critically look at our lives we would see that our loses are coming from our lack of commitment.

GOD AND COMMITMENT

As a kid we used to sing this song ‘No Turning Back’ in Sunday school and to be honest it didn’t mean much to me until I understood my commitment to God. The words to the song are pretty simple… I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back… I interpret the words to this song as commitment. We decide to follow Jesus and not turn back, almost like how Jesus said that no man will put his hand to the plow and looks back (Luke 9 vs 62).

Our commitment to God pleases him. He desires our commitment to him and all that is about him. He exemplifies commitment by allowing his son Jesus to die for us. Jesus his beloved son he gave to us because of his commitment to free set us. He shows us that commitment issues do not help us accomplish something significant by this very act. Understand that it is very easy for our commitment to God to easily also affect our other commitments in different areas your lives. For some it starts there, at least for me it did! It starts with knowing that you are committed to a God that is also committed to you and has your best interest. God has your best interest, he too wants to see you accomplish based off your commitment. The good part about all this is that God wants us to commit to him whatever we do and he will help! Don’t believe me? here is some word for you;

“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans”

-Proverbs 16:3-

Rather than constantly being with the fear of committing to your decision alone, why not make the commit to the Lord and find your strength even when fear wants to give you an excuse or reason to quit. He being God will help you establish you plans, but you have to stay committed.

I will end by saying, there is nothing you accomplish when you allow commitment issues to limit your reach, growth, change etc. There is however, much to be accomplished with you deciding to fully commit to your decision in the good and in the bad. You continue to trust the process and fight off the fear that comes from your commitment issues. It is time for you to take your rightful place. It is time for you to trade thorns for crowns!

Much Love,

Xholiwe

Why am I not there yet?: What happens along the way

Hello Crowned Royals! It feels like forever since I took to the keyboard and put my thoughts in words, so here I am writing again. I have had many thoughts about what I am about to write up today and quite honestly these thoughts are way overdues. By sharing this with you I hope you get to realize that your journey does not end because you faced a couple of setbacks along the way. The journey must go on, you have a destination and it should be reached by all means necessary. With the many setbacks that we meet along the way, we do eventually ask ourselves the question “Why am I not there yet? This question alone can bring grown men and women to tears, so let us unpack this together.

I have never been a huge fan of road trips because I personally think they take way too long and if you live in the Midwest like I do, there is barely much to see and be amused by along the way. When I do take a road trip to a place I have never been, it is only wise for me to plug in the address to the destination before driving off and also plan my stops along the way. If I am traveling with a friend that calls for good company along the way and if I am traveling alone that calls for a solo praise and worship concert and occasional afrobeats. Once I get on the road I have an estimate of my time of arrival and all my plans to stop along the way are well calculated to keep me within my arrival time frame. But sometimes the unexpected happens, a traffic build up that was not there before, a car crash delaying traffic, the occasional flat tire, the additional stops that were not in the plan and eventually a frustrated woman who just wants to get to where she was going. Why am I telling you all this? If you didn’t catch it yet, this is all of us along the way to our “destination”, whatever that destination is for you, you know that the you had the destination, you made the plans and some of you did not expect the unexpected delays and now you are frustrated asking the question “Why am I not there yet?

What is along the way?

Unlike road trips, the life trip we embark on is far more complex and involves a whole lot more heart, mind, soul and spirit to get to where we need to go. It is not until you embark on this journey that you meet what is along the way. What you meet along the way, expected and unexpected will tell you of your resilience and determination to reach your destination. It can be quite hard to see the destination if you are distracted with what is along the way. Take for example, a person who has decided to embark on a journey of healing and along the way they are faced with hurt and that hurt distracts them from their destination, which is wholeness. What is along the way is not the end of the journey, you must go on. I remember embarking on my own journey of healing and was then faced with the unexpected hurt and betrayal along the way, geez that bump in road kept me quite distracted for a while. Eventually, I got frustrated and had to ask God this question, “why am I not there yet?” This was not a question God had to answer, it was for me to look at my own life and see that I was distracted by the hurt and betrayal and certainly had lost my way. Clearly were I was, was not my destination, but thank God for redirection. What am I trying to tell you? If you want to make it to your destination always remember what lead you to make the decision to embark on the journey. What is along the way, is your hurdle to jump and conquer. Too many of us have allowed what was along the way to determine the end of our journey, but if there is any fight left in you, I ask you to pick up from where you left off because the journey is not over. If God still wakes you up each morning, then friend, you still have to move.

Arrival time

I wanted to talk about the arrival time because let us face it, we live in a society that seeks instant gratification and fast pace results. We want to get to our destination as quick as Jimmy John’s, but lack the understanding as to why our journey maybe different from the other. We then push for false arrival times so we can keep up with the rest. Friend embrace your journey, just because someone got there before you quicker doesn’t mean you have to falsely arrive to your destination. Another major concern about arrival time is when others who don’t know the journey you are on want to determine the time of your arrival. They will ask you questions like, “you are not healed yet? you have not succeeded yet? You should be over that by now, why are you still working on that?” Questions like this then lead you to ask yourself “Why am I not there yet?” Comparison has been the death of many, and continues to haunt people because they refuse to accept their own path and waste time on envying someone’s path. There is a Christian saying that says God’s timing is the best. Till the passing of time and space this saying will continue to be relevant for this world that doesn’t understand that God runs on a different clock. I say so because when God’s perfect time came for me, no one, not even myself could deny that I arrived to my destination. When you arrive under God’s perfect timing, it will be quite evident and will not leave room for second guessing. Never be pressured to falsely arrive because of what and who is around you. Your arrival time will come, just don’t give up in the middle of the way.

With God along the way

There is nothing more calming than taking God with you for the journey. Even when the frustration and tension builds up along the way, you know you are in good company. It is like taking a good friend along on this very long journey and knowing you can turn to them anytime and talk to them openly about how you feel without feeling judged. With God along the way, he is the one that will remind you of why you even took up this journey in the first place and why you should reach your destination. He helps you keep the pace even when you want to go faster as you see others go ahead of you. How amazing is that! For the several journeys I have taken and some that I continue to take with God, I wouldn’t have it any other way. There is peace that comes with knowing that God is in it with me. There is also an assurance that you will get to where you are going as long as keep him in this journey. The Israelites that were lead by Moses are perfect example of moving with God along the way. The story tells of this intense journey to the promised land that could have ended in 11 days, but the distractions from the destination prolonged their time, but after 40 years, God finally brought them to the land as he promised. Along the way, God provided for the Israelites all they needed to make it to their destination. Why would you think he wouldn’t do it for you? There is what the scriptures say; *side note* this is one of my favorite verses from the bible, it is such a good reminder while on the journey.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29 vs 11

I can not emphasize it more, the word already tells you that God knows, he knows where you are at in your journey and were you could be if you just continue to walk it out with him. Even when frustrated with the question “why am I not there yet?” at least you know there God is ready to listen and unpack with you, and also redirect you. Giving up is not the solution and should never be an option when faced with the expected and unexpected along the way. There is a destination you are supposed to reach, don’t get distracted with what is along the way. Use what is along the way to build your resilience and determination to make it to where you are going. Always remember why you started this journey. It is time for you to take your rightful place! it is time to trade thorns for crowns.

Much Love,

Xholiwe

Schooled by experience: What a book can’t teach you

Greetings Crowned Royals! I hope all is well with you and your loved ones. I am so excited to write again this week and share with you what has been on my mind of late. Writing on failure last week made me think of something closely related, but a much border topic that we will unpack together. While Failure falls under the entire scope of our life experience, it literally is a small segment of it when we think of our many life experiences and how they shaped us to be who we are today. There is a famous quote that says experience is the best teacher and I couldn’t agree any more. Experience teaches us things about us that the books can not even explain. Being schooled by experience is far more complex and it demands more of your character than it does our intelligence. So, what makes experience the best teacher hands down? To answer this question, think of your own experience; the lessons, the rewards, the surprises, the tests, the uncertainties, fears and how all of that helped shape you to be the person you are today.

What is it like to be schooled by experience

Being schooled by experience is like going on a experimental roller coaster ride blindfolded without any idea on when the highs and lows will hit you. You will be met with many highs and many lows along the way, yet you stay on the ride and hopefully pay attention and take some notes because there will be tests after each ride. When you being schooled by experience, you will notice how you are not being asked to memorize knowledge, but you are rather required to apply the knowledge to your life experience. It is very hands on and practical type of school experience.

Another thing you will notice while being schooled by experience is that comparing and copying off others life experiences will not work so well for your own. Life experiences are told differently by everyone because of how we handle the lessons taught from our highs and lows. Not everyone handles these lessons well, and maybe you haven’t done so well either other times when handed these lessons, but your work and effort to do better is a choice you make for yourself. Doing all of this is not an easy task, so teaching tools such as books can help better prepare for while being schooled. While books are a great teaching tool, they can only go so far in helping us mature than actual experience can do.

BOOKS as a Teaching tool

If you are not reading a book that will help your current life situation, please read something! God has blessed many people to write books on different aspects of life and he gave us his word the Bible that touches on every aspect on life. Books are a great teaching tool that provide you with insight and practical examples. From books we learn that we are not the only ones experiencing life’s highs and lows. The only thing the book can’t teach us is how to learn from our own unique experience. We have books that will help us learn and understand our situations better, so that even as we experience, we go in somewhat prepared. A book will give you a general overview, instructions, advise and commend you, but the work starts when you apply the knowledge of and make it practical for to your own experience. Here is what a book CAN NOT teach;

  • Your own unique purpose
  • Your resilience and tolerance during your lows
  • How to handle your own success and failures in life and move on
  • Your own perspective over your life
  • How to be patient and kind to yourself as you experience life
  • The choices you make and made had a huge impact on your life

EXPERIENCE as a teacher

Can we all admit that experience has thrown us some harsh lessons, I mean really harsh that for some of us it changed our way and meaning of life. Experience is the teacher that most of us wish we did not have to take a class with them or maybe skip a couple lessons and still expect to pass. Wrong! As you experience life more, you will soon realize that there are no redos or make up tests like it was in school. Life experiences are about how well you handled the highs and lows and what you learned along the way is more valuable than you can imagine. Experience as a teacher has the ability to wipe us into shape and despite some painful lessons we would be thanking it later. Experience teach us that success is good and so is failure. We will be faced with many tests and as we continue to learn, but experience as a teacher cheers us on to keep going and growing in the process. Experience will teach us the valuable lessons of life that we can then use to help others that continue to struggle. Once you are schooled by experience you will soon learn the important of every high and low in your life and not take it for granted. Here is what experience WILL teach you:

  • Your own unique purpose
  • Your resilience and tolerance during your lows
  • How to handle your own success and failures in life and move on
  • Your own perspective over your life
  • How to be patient and kind to yourself as you experience life
  • The choices you make and made had a huge impact on your life

God and experience

God created us to experience life in its fullness, he knew that we will experience all the highs and lows and was confident that we would through the process learn who we are and not quit on life because of it. For some of us, our experiences helped align us back to God’s will for our lives. We had to take those hard and painful lessons to be able to come back to where we should have been in the first place. God like any loving parent helps correct us through our experience and while the lesson was not pleasant at first, we were surely grateful. He used our experience for our good. God used our experience for our good! Let us see what scripture says:

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Hebrews 12 vs 11

To be trained by experience is good! There is a harvest that comes with you staying the course and making the choice to grow and transform from your own life experiences. Allow yourself to be trained by the best teacher and while you are at it utilize books and study the word of God. With that said, I hope you can now see that being schooled by experience is not such a bad thing after all. Through the entire process you get to learn who you are and understand why your experience was tailor made for you.

It is time for us to take our rightful place, it is time to trade thorns for crowns!

Much Love!

Xholiwe

Always a winner: What happens when you fail

To win again you need to critically look at your failure and handle it well. -Xholiwe-

Hello Crowned Royals! Greeting from the winter wonderland land of Illinois. I hope you are doing wonderful and not quitting for nothing until you take your crowns. I thought of writing this week because I had many thoughts regarding failure and how most of us don’t take it so well. I totally understand us because let’s be honest failure is not not as exciting as winning. We all want to win, I mean who wouldn’t want to always be the winner? But what happens when you fail?

If you have ever played a good game of Monopoly with either friends or family, then you know not everyone takes failure very well. Remember when your competitive family member or friend lost all their money and property on Monopoly? How did they take that failure? I am guessing not so well and that was just in a game of Monopoly. Unfortunately, failure goes beyond the a fictional board game, even for the people that have always been winning in real life. Unexpectedly for some failure comes as a surprise and their inability to handle failure can be quite devastating. For people that are used to always winning, I want to tell you right now that failure is okay. Failure is not the end of your winning streak, and will not ruin your life. I hope after this blog the “f” word will be a comfortable thing for you to say without panicking.

What happens when we fail?

When we fail there are two ways we can go and the choose is usually up to us and how we handle our failures. You could either take the route that tells you are not enough because you failed in something or the route that says use our failure as a learning point to grow and mature. It is hard to take the second route if you have always been the winner, losing for someone who has always been a winner is so scary. But I don’t think many people are impressed by a story of someone who has always been winning. In fact, people don’t buy tickets to motivational speakers who have always been winning, what sales those tickets is that failure was involved. We have heard the stories of the winners and champions we admire and they have something in common and that is failure. They share on their failures and just for a second we look at their humanness and that they too are not exempt from it. But if these people took the route that told them they were not enough and should quit, then we would have lost champions because of their inability to handle failure well.

I get it failure does not feel good, starting over does not make any sense at all, but once you decide to take the route of growth and maturity from your failures then you are going to see failure much differently than you did before.

Changing your perspective on failure

A lot of us have looked at failure negatively because we live in a society that does not celebrate failure, if anything we would rather failure did not exist. We all want to win, winning is appealing and well celebrated. Think about how a winning sports team brings celebration to its fans compared to the losing team that leaves it’s fans devastated. For the team that lost, their failure allows them to look critically at their mistakes and how they could improve for the next game or season. Rather than allowing failure to devastate and overwhelm you, look at failure as a place to learn and improve yourself and not beat yourself up about it. Starting off from this perspective of failure will help you realize that your failure is your learning point and not the end of your perfect world of winning. To win again you need to critically look at your failure and handle it well. Some of us could admit that we have not handles our failures well, and that later even lead to our own destruction.

Your inability to look at failure positively will easily frustrate, anger, overwhelm, guilt, shame and discourage you when you do experience it. I totally understand the feeling and emotions that come with failure because I too have failed miserably in some areas of my life and if I allowed that failure to devastate me, then I would be telling a different story. The feelings that come with failure are valid, but you can’t not allow them to guide you through your failures. You are allowed to feel all the feels, but dwelling on them and letting them lead you is an absolute no. Allow yourself the time to mourn your failure, but quickly remind yourself that failure is a learning point and learn what you have to learn from it.

God’s view on failure

There many Bible stories that tell me that God was okay with failure. He worked with many flawed people that experienced major failure. I think of the many failures of David and how God still used him and lifted him up above all the failures. I think of the failures of Peter and how God still used Peter to build the church. God may have realized it before we did, that we would fail at some point in our lives and he hoped we would see it much differently and handle it much differently than we do. God views failure as a teachable moment for you and also a place that helps you grow into knowing who you are in him. God is not looking at your failure and thinking you are defeated because of it. He is hoping you are taking failure well and not allowing it to overwhelm you and take you away from trying again. He is hoping you are realizing that failure is inevitable and not a death sentence. Rather than looking at failure as a limitation as we look at it, God looks at it as a place of possibility. A place where we can mature and take a more accurate look at our failure and how it can help us grow and build resilience. With failure God would want us to see our humanness and that even we are flawed, but have a perfect God that is able use us despite our failures and shortcomings. Think about it, if God only used people that were always winners, how would the flawed related to their own failures? For example if God only used the perfect, how would the world we live in look at failure? much worse than it is today. We would think perfect is the only way to be used by God, but on the contrary, God is wanting to help and work with the person who embraces failure and handle it well. The word of God says this:

Because the Sovereign Lord helps me,
    I will not be disgraced.
Therefore have I set my face like flint,
    and I know I will not be put to shame.

Isaiah 50:7

Let us face it, failure is usually much louder than winning especially in the world that magnifies the failures of others, so this verse should be comforting to all of us. Even in failure God will help us and we shall not be disgraced! Glory to God who shows us grace even in our failure.

With that said, I hope you look at your failure much differently than you did before. I hope you are able to change your perspective on your failures and how well you can handle them. Don’t hate me for saying it, but failure is good for you. Failure will help you grow, humble and mature you. Failure is a perfect teachable moment for you and God is most likely to be part of that moment. Realize that if you have not experienced failure or are like me and have had your share of failures, then your failure does not mean your defeat. There is still a lot of room to win! Before we jump into the winning court, learn from the previous failures and grow. It is time for you to take your rightful place! It is time for you to trade thorns for crowns.

Much Love,

Xholiwe

Knotted: The emotional process of un-knotting painful ties

Hello Crowned Royals, Happy New Year to you all! I hope each and everyone of you are doing your best work to attain your crowns. If you asked me what your number 1 resolution should be, I would say attain your crowns and the rest will fall into place.

I was hoping to have written this blog earlier in the year because in the beginning of the year, most people are open to change so hope I am not too late. I want us to talk about knots, not the knots you see on the features image, but the painful knotted ties within us. We continue to do life while knotted with painful ties, which we have a tough time admitting to the emotional roller coaster they put on us. I hope this blog will help you realize that it is possible to un-knot those ties, and also be well aware of the emotional process that comes with un-knotting.

If you have ever been knotted in painful ties then you know that it feels impossible to get out of it, especially if the people or situation is something that changed your life drastically. Breaking of ties while knotted can take you from feeling frustrated, to sad, to angry, to restless, but at least if you have already began the process of un-knotting, you are off to a good start. I liken the emotional process of un-knotting to my constant battle with my knotted necklaces in my jewelry box. I think the ladies can agree with me, when jewelry gets knotted it also feels impossible to pull apart. I realized from the many un-knotting I had to do with my necklaces that if my patience was short, I got angry and frustrated, which lead me to quitting pretty quickly in the process. Even though that was the jewelry piece I wanted to compliment my outfit, I quit on separating it from the other because of the process it took. why was I quick to quit? Well, I think the patience and my emotions got the best of me and did not allow me to finish what I started, which would have eventually benefited me. I know this a trivial example compared to un-knotting actual painful ties in our lives, but isn’t that what we do? We being to un-knot hurriedly things that need time and patience, and because it did not happen quickly we then begin to go through the roller coaster of emotions. Once we allow for these emotions to get the best of us, we are unable to see the many knots we missed and continue to live knotted. Why do we then settle for a knotted life?

Living a knotted life

If you have ever known a life lived knotted then you will know that it is not one you can say you are living your best life. But why are so many knotted people claiming to live their best lives? Hmm, I can give you several reasons, but the first one that jumps out of my mind is denial. We as human tend to think by denying painful ties that they magically disappear, unfortunately, those things only happen in fairy tales. What we go through and experience in our life’s is real and can not be ignored. The knotted life is a life lived in constant denial of one’s reality. What denial does is that it takes away from the person’s ability to recognize that there are painful ties that they need to knot out if they want to live a better life. I know of the knotted life because I once lived it and let me tell you, it is no way to live. It is quite sad to know that many of us continue to live the knotted life and have normalized it because not many of have taken up the task to actually got through the process of un-knotting. But if you are one that is tired of the knotted life like I was, then I think it is time to go through the process head first and not to quit when it gets hard. Because it will get hard at some point, but quitting shouldn’t be you option.

The emotional process of un-knotting painful ties

Now that we know that the knotted life is not the way to live and have decided to un-knot it all, what can we expect? Well, we expect ourselves to go through one tedious and intense emotional process that in the end will give us a life lived with no denial. If you won’t come ready for such an emotional process, then you will be quitting even before it begins. Painful ties are not just little issues that you had with a co-worker that can be cleared over a cup of coffee. Painful ties are things that come with intense emotion and pain and for some those ties changed their lives and how they live. It may be the painful ties with a memory of losing a loved one, ties with failed relationships (intimate, family and friends), and ties with guilt from a situation that was not even your fault that changed it all.

The process to un-knotting all this will take you up and down with your emotions, but as you go through it you are not to allow your emotions to get the best of you. Emotions in the process are inevitable because what tied you up in the first place was associated to an emotion. Once you allow emotions such as anger, frustration, shame etc to get the best of you through the initial process of un-knotting, the process will be much harder, but that is no reason to quit. Are you allowed to feel these emotions as you un-knot? Absolutely! But do you dwell on them? No. You step by step begins to un-knot by letting go of the emotion associated to the painful ties. For example, you were angry that your father abandoned you at a young age. In this process you un-knot by letting go of the tie associated with the anger you felt as a child when your father left. The emotional process will mostly ask for you to look back to past events, remember certain people you chose to forget, feel the pain again and almost re-live what you have been in denial of, but it is all necessary and all part of it. Because this is a tedious and intense emotional process, you can’t do this alone. who will help you through this process?

Where is God in this Process?

God is glad that you have decided to go through the process of un-knotting the painful ties in your life. If anything, God is glad you have come to the realization that living a knotted life is not as fulfilling. God has been in the process even before your realization. He is one that is always waiting on us to take that first step and commit to the process. Once committed God is right next to you even through the emotions that are associated with the painful tie. He will send you help too, people that will help you through this process. You are not alone! God knows exactly how the painful ties make or made you feel. He knows the emotional toll it took on you to be tied up in such pain. Therefore, he knows how to help you un-knot through each step of the process. How do you get help? just like any tied up wounded solider, you cry out for help and seek the help of the Lord through your prayer to him. Like I said before, he has been in the process even before your realization. Call on him! Here is some scripture to remind you that you are not alone in this process God says:

…Never will I leave; never will I forsake you

Hebrews 13:5

That is God’s promises for you and me, that even through this process he is with us. The process is indeed tedious and intense, but knowing that you don’t have to do it alone is much reason for you to take on the challenge. You can not afford to quit and miss out on a life that is filled with the peace and presence of God. A life lived un-knotted! Now that is living your best life! But it does come with a process that you must be willing to take all the way. I know you can do it! It is time for you to take you rightful place. It is time for you to trade thorns for crowns!!

Much Love,

Xholiwe

The Fight of your Life: How can you win?

Hello Crowned Royals, I hope all is well with you and that you are doing your best to stay above ground as we wrap up this year. I know for some 2020 has been a long and hard year and for others it has been a year that allowed you to reflect on your life on a much deeper level. Looking back to this year might just show you at how much you had to fight off to stay above ground. While some had to fight a little harder than others, I think is safe to say that we were all fighting. We had to fight to stay sane, healthy, present, just to mention a few, nevertheless, life was still going on. I decided to write on the fight for your life because fighting for your life is not a one and done thing, but a continual fight that requires your resilience and will to stay standing in every battle ground you are thrown into. If you have ever been thrown into a fighting ring without any knowledge on how to fight your opponent then you might already be fighting a losing battle, but if you come in ready to fight with knowledge of who you are up against, then chances are that you are likely to win. Winning is the result we all should aim for, and if we have to win we need a whole lot more than only acknowledging that we are in a fight for our lives.

Story time: Before I became the girly girl I am today, I was mostly hanging out with my guy cousins and like very young boy back in the early 2000s, the boys loved to watch WWE (wrestling) and later play it on their video games. Because I was outnumbered by the boys, I too eventually got to love WWE and playing video games with them that involved fighting. Now that I think of WWE and playing fighting video games, there was one thing that was common, it was intimidation. How wrestlers in the ring would intimidate their opponents or how my bigger boy cousins will intimidate me was a common trend. In the fight of your life, you will also notice that even before you decide to throw any punches, your opponent will use intimidation to lower your chances of winning and most of us will flee without a fight. Once we give in into intimidation, we let go of our chance to fight and give the opponent the upper hand. One fighting story that just came to my mind is the historic biblical fight of David and Goliath. Goliath was David’s opponent and he did use intimidation to scare away David from attempting to fight, but little did he know that David was ready and had knowledge of his opponent and was training for this epic fight way before it happened. If you want to win the fight for your life then maybe you can start off my realizing that every fight requires your attention. If David was dismissive of this prior fights, how would he then have known how to fight Goliath? Pay attention, every fight is preparation for the next.

Know your own fight

The fight of your life may look nothing like another person’s fight because we all have our own circumstances that we are to overcome. One’s strategy to win may or may not work for you, but yours is to fight anyway. While others have to fight a little harder, others have less to fight for, but yours is to fight. I consider myself a fighter and in the amount of time I have been alive, I would like to think my fights were much more than others and at first I did not receive this revelation well. I thought why can’t I fight a little less like my friends do and just chill, but God knew best that I needed strength for the several other fights that will come my way. God has to build me to not be intimidated by my enemy, but to stay standing confidently knowing that God has my back. Maybe you are like me and you feel like you are in a constant battle that you want to win, I would encourage you to keep fighting. Will you like it at first? absolutely not! But nothing is more rewarding than the victory over a fight for your life.

Who are you fighting against?

Understand that the fight of your life is more spiritual than it is physical. Yes, your physically body does respond the your spiritual battle in some way. I remember when I was depressed, my body was just losing weight, even though I ate food normally. My body was responding in stress when things and people were constantly frustrating me. My physical body was extremely tired and beat down even though I was not in a physical fight. The fight of your life will require more of you and your spiritual attention. The bible says we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places [Ephesians 6:12]. Who have you been fighting? Have you been fighting the wrong person all this while and have been unable to win? The Bible let’s you know who you are up against and in order to win your battle the first step would be knowing who you are up against. When you are constantly fighting people and not what is backing their fight towards you then winning will be a far reach for you. So how can you win?

6 ways that can help you win your fight

  1. Know your opponent: you have to know who you are up against, you have to study their ways and build your strategy in order to win. You can’t come to a fighting ring without knowledge of who you are up against. So who are you up against for the fight of your life? Your answer is in Ephesians 6:12. So where is the fight ring? in the spirit, how do you fight in the spirit since it is not physical? answer is #2
  2. Prayer: Because you can not fight darkness, principalities, wickedness physically, you fight them in prayer grounds. Prayer is your weapon, use your words to win the fight of your life. Pray unceasingly because the fight for your life is a continual battle.
  3. Faith over fear: Some battles we have never experienced can be scary at first glance, but build you faith from it. Place your faith in God’s ability to help you win. Remember that this is not the first battle God helped you through.
  4. Don’t be intimidated: If you know your opponent, you know that they use intimidation to stop you from fighting, but you will make the choice to be bold and brave knowing that God is backing you up and that yours is the victory.
  5. Remember your training: If this is not the very first fight of your life, then you are to remember how you overcame and won your other fights. Even those small fights you consider irrelevant, there is something that could be used for your next battle.
  6. Apply your training: No, you will not just allow intimidation scare you away, but you will apply what you have learned over the years. Your will pray precisely and physically identify the wickedness, power, darkness that showed up in the people around you before taking your win in the spirit.

Once you begin to fight the right opponent and do it unceasingly for every battle ground you are thrown into, I tell you from experience that you will win. I will leave you with this encouraging verse as you pick up your weapons and fight for your life.

Fight the good fight of faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.

1 Timothy 6 v 12

Much Love,

Xholiwe

Branded by Pain: How to conquer and master the art of letting go

Along the way, you will learn to let go of all the things that helped you conceal the pain.

Hello Crowned Royals, I must admit that I haven’t been great at keeping up with you all, but surely God has dealt with me immensely and that is why I am writing to you today. I hope all is well with you and that you continue to put in the effort of trading your thorns for crowns. This blog post might be heavy for some you that continue to deal with extreme pain, but I hope it brings healing.

Fairly recently I was watching a telenovela about slaves in the 19th century and while watching, a lot of the things that happened were hard to stomach or imagine myself or family go through such pain. I was particularly disheartened by this one act where slaves where lined up and one by one each of them were pressed with a hot iron cast and branded by their slave masters. Through out the show the slaves lived and died with that brand that signified their slavery. The branding of the slaves is more of a physical act that indeed caused pain and this pain was carried on till their graves. Tragic right? I know, but we too in some form have stood one by one and have been branded with pain. It may not all be physical, but it surely did something to us. But what you do with that branded pain is totally up to you, you can either live and died with it or decide to conquer. Understand that branded pain seems nearly impossible to erase, it almost feels like it is only unique to you alone and no one will understand just what you have been through. But you will be surprised to see how many more people experience the same pain. Pain is indeed a universal brand that we can all tell when it is present within us or in others, simple based on our experience and others. Many of us are living defeated by our pain and because of it we have lost our ability to conquer. Here is a question for you; how has living in defeat because of your pain limited your ability conquer it?

When Pain Becomes your Master

Remember the show I was watching about slaves? I want to talk about it again. To be slaves, these people had masters and one thing masters would do is do anything with their slaves. They literally could do anything! they flogged them, raped them, branded them and treated them worse than animals. Again this is more physical, but how many of us have allowed pain to become our master? Our pain has flogged us, raped us, branded us and has treated us less than we are. This much is true about our pain, we have given it power over us. If pain is your master, it dictates your entire life. When pain is your master, it will help you pick your;

  • Friends
  • Entertainment
  • Coping mechanisms
  • Close relationships
  • Places you frequent

Understand that when you are at the mercy of pain, it will continue to dictate your life and how you move forward with it if you do nothing to change it. I am guessing before the pain, they may have been things you set out on doing and changing, but once you gave power to pain, you were more set on the hurt and hate from others, your day to day was plotting your revenge and in hopes to conceal the pain you did things that you were not even capable of doing before it.

When you allow pain to be your master, you give up the right to conquer it, but rather you are made powerless, mocked and hopeless. It slowly eats at you and with every passing year the pain only grows more and more. You thought dying suddenly was tragic, trying slowly dying because pain has invaded your whole being. Now that is tragic. So, how do you get out of it?

How to conquer and master the art of letting go

I would like to provide you with the universal blueprint of how you conquer pain and master the art of letting go, but unfortunately, it wouldn’t work that same for each person. I do however know about one biblical act that even people before us surely can attest to it working. It is giving your pain to Jesus. Jesus has a way of taking that pain and replacing it with that much desired peace, joy, love, rest and laughter you long for. I don’t know about you, but I personally got tired of pain being my master and one day decided to fight by all means necessary. I did not want to feel all the hurt, plot my revenge daily and live less than what God put me on this earth to do. Placing the pain in God’s hands doesn’t take long, but the process of conquering and fully letting go might take longer, I am not talking weeks, but years. Once you commit though, you will along the way understand your pain and begin to fully grasp the art of letting it go. Along the way, you will learn to let go of all the things that helped you conceal the pain. Things like;

  • People
  • Places
  • coping mechanisms while still in pain

All this is not all walk in the park, but if you want it conquer and heal, then this is where you have to go. Especially if you are now desperately seeking for peace, hope, joy etc then friend this is the way to go. Because of the complexity of letting go, you certainly can’t do this alone. You need Jesus, the right environment and people that will allow you to release and let go. Please don’t expect this to happen without all I have mentioned above because you will only be lying to yourself and pain will continue to be your master. Here is some scripture to assure you that once you give you pain to Jesus, he will see you through the rest of the process of letting go;

But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.

1 Peter 5 v 10 (KJV)

11 You have changed my sadness into a joyful dance;

    you have taken away my sorrow

    and surrounded me with joy.

Psalms 30 v 11 (GNT)

What a blessed assurance right? What he did for others, he can also go for you! Give your pain to Jesus. His word says it will settle you and just like he did for David, he can do for you. Allow him to take away the sorrow and trade it for his joy. You have to conquer and let go, it is better on the other side. It is time for you to take your rightful place! It is time for you to trade thorns for crowns.

Much Love,

Xholiwe

Focused and soaring to greater heights: The life of an eagle

Photo by Mathew Schwartz on Unsplash
You are to intentionally and deliberately zone in into your own vision if you want to achieve your destiny.

Hello crowned royals, I hope you are all doing well and staying afloat while the world is turned upside down. Now more than ever is a time for us to soar just like the mighty eagle especially with what is going on right now. From the title and the picture, you probably know what this blog will be about. Yes, we are going to talk about the eagle and learn a thing or two about this majestic bird. I don’t know about you, but I am often left in awe of this majestic bird and thought it is worth talking about. A friend and I were recently talking about eagles and I could not help write about them. I believe as humans there is so much we can learn from eagles and I see why the bible holds this creature with high esteem. For this blog we will unpack on the focus of an eagle and it’s ability to soar at such great heights. So the big question, what can we learn from the eagle? Probably a lot! But for this blog we will talk about focus and soaring.

Focus like an eagle

Unlike any other bird the eagle ranks on the top when it comes to vision. The eagle even has better vision and can see far ahead than the human eye can see. It’s vision gives it the ability to see sharply and helps it focus in on its prey even while it is still in the air. If you don’t know what I mean, I recommend you watch some national geographic show that showcases this bird in action. In the same way, we have to focus so we can eat too because not everyone just lands on destiny without focus. We may not be talking about literal food here or actual hunting, but the focus in our lives that regards our destiny needs to be as sharp as that of an eagle. This type of focus is not one that wavers because of the many distractions we are presented on a day to day basis. Imagine if the eagle got distracted while in the air and lost focus of its prey, it wouldn’t eat right? Hence it is critical that the bird maintains it’s focus in order to satisfy it’s need. Focus for every one of us is also critical as well, but many of us are still in spaces that distract us and further take us away from our destiny. Rather than focusing on the vision God has presented us, we miss the mark because we get distracted by what takes away our attention. Understand that not everything being done by others should be done by you. You are to intentionally and deliberately zone in into your own vision if you want to achieve your destiny.

When it comes to focus I am always compelled to talk about athletes because athletes embody focus. These people have to eat and breath to focus, they get paid to focus and if they lacked focus it was going to cost them. Think of yourself as an athlete for a second and see what it would cost you if you lost a competition because you got distracted and lost focus, it will not only cost, you but your entire team. Your vision is not just for you, but there are other people depending on you to focus so you can all win. This is not the time to get distracted, especially with what is going on in the world right now. While everything seems to be on a stand still, it may be a good time to re-focus yourself in any areas in your life that you feel that you have been distracted. Learn from the eagle that you can’t lose focus because if you do, you will not eat.

Soaring like an eagle

The majestic bird takes to the skies with such grace and demonstrates why it is different from the rest. The eagle does not flap its wings constantly, but because its wing span is different, once it takes flight it is able to soar in the sky at such great heights that other birds can’t reach. The eagle is the type of bird that still soars even in a storm, while other birds seek shelter. What can we learn about soaring from the eagle? What does soaring look like for us humans? I liken soaring higher heights to living your purpose. Purpose does take sometime to either be fully discovered or accepted and mastered. Let us be honest real quick, the human version of Soaring higher heights can be scary at first, especially if you have never done it before. Discovering purpose is great, but it is the work we put into that can either have us flapping our wings instead of soaring. Flapping often happens when we try to do things on our own. I know I am not the only one who tried flapping and got exhausted because I was doing things in my own strength and soon as the storm hit, I took cover. While the eagle has the soaring and braving the storm figured out, we need some help from the one who can align us to purpose and mount us up to take flight. Who is that you ask? Here is some scripture;

but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary,they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40 v 31

When you purpose is birthed and aided by the Lord, you are sure to soar like an eagle. This bible verse tells us of our ability to soar on wings like eagle, not on any other bird’s wings because those type of wings wouldn’t be able to even go pass the ceiling. The eagle’s wings are for those that are ready to break the glass ceiling, those daring to step out of the generational dysfunction and fully embrace their purpose. Realize that the vision is much clear when you are soaring at higher heights and focused on achieving your destiny.

What more can say? My last words are that we can learn a whole lot more from the eagle! I doubt that the eagle is worried about you mimicking its way of life. If anything, God created the eagle as an everyday life lesson. Do you know how many motivational speakers have talked about the eagle? Probably to many for us to count. So all I can say is it time to focus and fight those distractions that take you away from your destiny and soar to greater heights were your purpose awaits. It is time for us to take our rightful place. It is time to trade thorns for crowns!

Lots of love,

Xholiwe