Posted on by thornstocrowns

Woe is me: Woes of playing a victim

Sorrowful man
If you are justifying your present bad actions based off the event that happened in the past, then there are some woes your have to overcome.
-Xholiwe

Who is a victim? What does a victim go through? How does a victim become a victor? These are all questions that we may have different answers to, but an easy way for us to get to think about the woes (sorrow and distress) of being a victim. There so many stories about victims, but have you noticed that only the victors make a name of themselves. By definition a victim is a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of crime, accident, or other event or action. If you alive right now and have had some years under your belt, then somewhere along the way you could have fallen victim to something. This could have be something that hurt you, harmed you, injured you or almost killed you. What those events or actions make you go through can easily lead to sorrow, depression, pain and trauma. However, it is not in your place to stay there when there is a whole life you could live passed all that sorrow and distress. You could actually be able to use that event as a stepping stone, so rather than being a victim for the rest of your life you become a victor. We will look at some woes and be able to identify them in our own lives in this blog, and hopefully work on moving on pass them.

Unfortunately, I will not be giving you 10 steps on how to be a victor in this blog post for this particular reason. We first have to deal with the woes of being a victim and shifting our victim mindset. I have been a victim in some situations, so trust me when I say it is easy to be a victim than it is to be a victor. It is easy to throw the victim card to everyone that pushes you to be a victor because as a victim you are not challenged to change for yourself and others. I remember when my mother died and the victim card was my only escape. Clearly, I was not the first person that lost a mother, but it felt that way for a couple years and so I found out that the victim card was an easy pass for my bad actions, but not anymore. I don’t know what event victimized you, but we may have to have an honest moment that will push you to getting over the victim mindset. What is it that triggers you to play the victim? Is it when someone calls you out on some bad behavior? or is it when things don’t go your way? If you are justifying you present bad actions based off the event that happened in the past, then there are some woes your have to overcome.

If you and Eeyore (Winnie the Pooh’s friend) are starting to look alike and sound alike, Houston we have a problem. If all you do is complain about how unfair life has been to you, then we have a victim mindset problem. Understand that I am not disregarding those bad events that happened in your life because I too can not disregard what happened in my life. I am not telling you to not share some pain points with trusted family and friends because that is important. However, I would like you to understand the woes of playing the victim in your stories and how they affect your life. Woes being great sorrow or distress have a way of changing how we look at life, and we can all agree that we experienced some stuff that we indeed were victims. The sad part about this is that we stay victims for too long without addressing the woes that the event brought in our lives. It is great that we want to move on, but we can not move on healthily if we are victim minded. If we are victim minded, every other event that follows us as we move on will keep us in the same place. Therefore, there needs to be an entire mind switch that no longer looks at current events in our lives with a victim mindset.

Because you have breath, things will happen and what will be crucial is how you decided to view this these things. Can we talk about Joseph from the bible? He is a victor that made a name for himself with the help of God, but he could have easily been a victim and forgotten. Just think of how easy it would have been for Joseph to play the victim in his story. His brother threw him in a pit and sold him because they were jealous. Joseph had every right to play the victim, but the sorrow and distress that could have come from that would have not seen him through to be the second in command in Egypt. He eventually saved the same brothers that sold him because he chose not to magnify the woes of playing the victim. Joseph had dealt with other events that he never allowed to get him trapped in the victim mindset. He was a victim when he was accused of rape. He was a victim when he was thrown in prison for something he did not do, but we all know that he his story did not end in prison. His story could have ended in that pit or in prison, but he did not allow the woes of playing the victim rule his life.

What is it that you have fallen woe it that it has impaired you to live a much desirable life? Pity parties for one are no fun, sitting there brewing on the many woes of your current situation does not fix it. Woes such as depression, despair, heartbreak, dejection, sorrow and gloom should not be your norm. The life you deserve is the life that brings out the victor in you. The victor that looks at those events as stumbling blocks that helped them see the importance of standing up again despite the falls.

Sorrow and distress can change your life based on how much you invest in them. If you are constantly looking for a reason to be sorrowful or distressed then you will certainly find it. How about if you are tired of playing the victim and feeding into those woes what do you do? Jeremiah says this:

Woe is me because of my hurt!

    My wound is grievous.

But I said, “Truly this is an affliction,

    and I must bear it.”

Jeremiah 10:19 (ESV)

Playing a constant victim in your story in the long run won’t serve you. You may have to bear the affliction with grace and grow through it. You don’t want to be stuck playing the victim in every situation, all it brings is deep sorrow and distress. You want to be able to enjoy your life knowing that despite it all, you are a victor that overcame all that that the devil throw at you hoping he would keep you stuck.

In closing, I just want to let you know that your present woe can be your future victory. But your victim minded way of thinking might be what hinders you from seeing beyond that present woe. You are spending too much time reliving those hurtful events and constantly reminding yourself that you are a victim. Do you know you can relive those events and see yourself as a victor? You overcame! Be proud of yourself. You certainly took your rightful place! You continue to do so as you trade your thorns for crowns.

Much Love,

Xholiwe

Posted on by thornstocrowns · 3 Comments

The Power of words: Make or Break

Make a conscious decision with your words.
-Xholiwe

What a busy weekend this has been, but as always the weekend is never enough to get things done. I am glad, however, that I finally got my hands on my laptop because I would love to share on what is so significant in our lives and that is words. I am not talking about the words we use vaguely in our daily lives, I am talking about words that can either make us or break us.

We all remember that one great compliment that we received and how it brightened our day. We also remember that negative word that was spoken to us or spoken by us and it hurt us badly. Unfortunately, is it very easy to remember being called a failure than it is to remember that you were once successful in something. Why do words have some much power? Because words are the essence of all our lives, words can build our character and in the same way words can break our character. Ever wondered what happened to the sweet innocent girl from middle school that turned into an a mean girl in High School? No, it is not always puberty, but maybe along the way as she grew up she got bullied or was not spoken to in kindness by people around her.

The word of God makes it clear that words are powerful, with words God created and also with words God destroyed. In the same way, we can create and destroy, not just ourselves, but those around us. Let me talk about making for a second, as a child I was often told by my mother that I was smart and that I could do great things. My mother would remind me more of my strengths more than she did remind me of my weaknesses. Her doing so made me believe fairly quickly in my early childhood in myself and my abilities. She built my character in such a way that till this day, I am confident in my strengths and abilities. Making or building others takes us using the right words to encourage and uplift each others. Good words such as you are loved, you are wonderful, you are smart, you are unique and talented have a way of turning someone that felt like a zero to a champion. You don’t believe me? Ask the woman that was in a verbally abusive marriage and later on in life escaped and met the right person who told her she was loved. She will tell you that it changed her life and how she looks at herself. I am not the one to speak for the verbally abused woman since I have not experienced that, but I bet you that she is 10 times a better woman that she was in her previous marriage. There is something about using kind words that changes people and that shows you how powerful words are in our lives. Also, kind words towards yourself have a way of building you to truly understand who you are and believe in your abilities even when people around you want to break you. There is a sense of freedom that comes with using these words to free you from all that is not true about you.

Breaking words on the other hand are what we constantly need to heal from and it is unfortunate that so many people are surrounded by negative words. Breaking words/negative words can make champion feel like a zero, negative words have a way of breaking a person’s character to a point where they actually start to believe them. Yes, the son that was constantly called a failure by his father because he did not live up to his father exceptions believes that he is a failure. Negative words have a way of misrepresenting who we are and truth is the devil wants us to believe that because it would be easy for us to fall for his traps. When we focus so much on these words, it is very easy for us to lose who we are or who we are meant to be. Remember how I told you that it is easy to remember a negative word than it is to remember a compliment? Why is that? because negative words damage the spirit and with each negative word, it takes a little piece of you that is the essence of you. Eventually what happens is that the negative words outweigh the kind words and who you are supposed to be is buried under a pile of words. But do you have to stay there? No, you have break out and it may require a lot from you than just a couple feel good songs and a spa session. It is time to take your rightful place! Who told you breaking means that you can not be mended and made whole again? Tell that person that they are a liar because God is able mend all the pieces that where taken away from you because of negative words spoken over you. Believe me when I say this because I took along the journey of life have had not be spoken to so kindly and it had to take God to mend those broken pieces that where all bundled in a capable of negative words spoken over me.

Because I know words are powerful, I choose to be very cautious about how I talk to people and my choice of words. My suggestion is that you make a conscious decision with your words. Use kind words towards others, even those that are not so kind to you, you just never know what they are going through and your kind words might change their day.

Kind words are like honey—
    sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.

Proverbs 16:24 NIV

Speak with love and respect for others and teach those around you to speak to you that way too. Parents teach your children to speak with love and respect for others because kids have a way of learning from you. Surround yourself with people that use words to build you, to encourage, to uplift you and help you heal from all the negative words you have heard about you. Read the bible, the word in that book is living and active! There are so many promises and truths about you that live in that word.

Final thought, proverbs 20:15 says, “Wise speech is rarer and more valuable than gold or rubies.” Be that rarer person that speaks wisely and kindly towards others, extend the same grace God has given you. Lastly, help others heal! we all still battle with some negative words that broke us along the journey of life.

Posted on by thornstocrowns

Ready.Set.Go!

Positioning yourself before and during the race matter
-Xholiwe

If anyone knows a thing or two about track racing, you know that it requires more of you to actually put in the work in order to get the results you desire. I ran track in middle school and I was a sprinter that enjoyed running short distances really fast. Not to brag, I was one of the fast girls in the school and was part of the school track team. If you have ever been a racer, you know that the actual race is nothing compared to the time before you start. As a racer, I remember all the nerves that flared up before the race began. Getting into position and waiting for the whistle that signals us to go was nerve wrecking, even as I write right now it brings back those feelings I would get before the race. You know those feelings right? the eagerness, the uncertainty, the excitement and the determination to win this race all rushing through your mind and only for a second you focus your gaze on your track. The questions that I had in those few seconds were; am I ready? can I win? what if I lose? who am I disappointing? and my last thoughts before the signal were that my team was counting on me and my mother is in the stands, I have to make her proud! Wait, what about me? and by then, it is too late.

Goooo! The whistle blows and there I go! Uncertain, but believing in my own abilities even though before the race I heard that the girl in the third lane after me is a very fast sprinter and is most likely to win first place. Well, that should not bother me because I am here to run my race. Before you know it I was pushing myself to win the race, all my effort was projected towards being first and just when I was close to taking first place, I stumbled and fell. How did that happen? I was so close, this was supposed to be an easy win. However, my mother never raised a quitter, so I stood up and picked up my pace again because I had to finish the race. I may have not finished the race first, but I heard applause in the stands and from my team, and at that moment I was glad that I did not give up! I ran my race!

Do you realize that our journey in life almost sounds similar to that of the a track racer. We are sometimes put in positions that require our patience to wait before we are signaled to go. Those positions can easily flare up our nerves and have us asking all kinds of questions. Unlike the ready, set, go signal that only takes a couple of seconds for a racer, we sometimes face longer waits in life, it could be weeks, months, years before we are signaled to go. However, how we respond to this wait will determine our outcome. If our response is channeled from our fears, guilt, shame, hurt, anger and all other heavy burdens, we are in for long tedious race. Do you know why track racers wear light clothing and shoes? It is to be able to run the race as light as possible. A track racer will not be advised to wear a heavy winter coat while they race because it slows them down, the same way your negative responses keep you in undesired situations. What if you decide to respond differently? Allowing hope, love,faith, peace, excitement, eagerness would be like you wearing light weight clothing and shoes that help you run your race easily. The key here is to be able to recognize that your response to every situation you face in life can either move you forward or keep you where you are and the choice is entirely up to you.

After we are signaled to go, it is not a guarantee that we will not face opposition, obstacles and set back. The word of God says that we will go through trials, but we should be of good cheer. If anyone knows trial, I know you are saying what is there to be cheerful about? I thought that too, until God made it clear to me what he meant about being of “good cheer “even though life has me down. It means realizing that whatever trial you maybe going through will pass and God is fighting your battle. When God gets involved there is no doubt that the battle will be won in your favor. I know we all wish life was roses and waterfalls, but there times when we stumble and fall and some falls are mighty. Nevertheless, it doesn’t mean we stay down, you know why? because people depend on you finishing your race. What you endure and overcome will help others learn from you and grow.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

2 Timothy 4:7

We also need to realize the importance of focusing our goals, dreams, desires on what God has called us to do. If we spend most of our time looking at others tracks, we miss a whole lot of our own race. Rather than focusing on who is better or who is not, I would say let us believe in our own abilities and channel our effort to be better than we were before. Remember that every race is different, sometimes it may require more effort from you than others. Every racer can tell you that not every race is the same. With that said, not every life journey is the same and the sooner you realize that the better for you and those counting on you.

My last thoughts about life and racing is that it doesn’t matter whether you come first or last. If you can just finish strong and at the pace God has you on. There is no need to rush things that God already knows you need. Patience! Patience! Patience! Wait on the Lord and he will renew your strength. You have to keep the faith and always remember that all things will work together for your good! Let’s keep running!