Woe is me: Woes of playing a victim

Sorrowful man
If you are justifying your present bad actions based off the event that happened in the past, then there are some woes your have to overcome.
-Xholiwe

Who is a victim? What does a victim go through? How does a victim become a victor? These are all questions that we may have different answers to, but an easy way for us to get to think about the woes (sorrow and distress) of being a victim. There so many stories about victims, but have you noticed that only the victors make a name of themselves. By definition a victim is a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of crime, accident, or other event or action. If you alive right now and have had some years under your belt, then somewhere along the way you could have fallen victim to something. This could have be something that hurt you, harmed you, injured you or almost killed you. What those events or actions make you go through can easily lead to sorrow, depression, pain and trauma. However, it is not in your place to stay there when there is a whole life you could live passed all that sorrow and distress. You could actually be able to use that event as a stepping stone, so rather than being a victim for the rest of your life you become a victor. We will look at some woes and be able to identify them in our own lives in this blog, and hopefully work on moving on pass them.

Unfortunately, I will not be giving you 10 steps on how to be a victor in this blog post for this particular reason. We first have to deal with the woes of being a victim and shifting our victim mindset. I have been a victim in some situations, so trust me when I say it is easy to be a victim than it is to be a victor. It is easy to throw the victim card to everyone that pushes you to be a victor because as a victim you are not challenged to change for yourself and others. I remember when my mother died and the victim card was my only escape. Clearly, I was not the first person that lost a mother, but it felt that way for a couple years and so I found out that the victim card was an easy pass for my bad actions, but not anymore. I don’t know what event victimized you, but we may have to have an honest moment that will push you to getting over the victim mindset. What is it that triggers you to play the victim? Is it when someone calls you out on some bad behavior? or is it when things don’t go your way? If you are justifying you present bad actions based off the event that happened in the past, then there are some woes your have to overcome.

If you and Eeyore (Winnie the Pooh’s friend) are starting to look alike and sound alike, Houston we have a problem. If all you do is complain about how unfair life has been to you, then we have a victim mindset problem. Understand that I am not disregarding those bad events that happened in your life because I too can not disregard what happened in my life. I am not telling you to not share some pain points with trusted family and friends because that is important. However, I would like you to understand the woes of playing the victim in your stories and how they affect your life. Woes being great sorrow or distress have a way of changing how we look at life, and we can all agree that we experienced some stuff that we indeed were victims. The sad part about this is that we stay victims for too long without addressing the woes that the event brought in our lives. It is great that we want to move on, but we can not move on healthily if we are victim minded. If we are victim minded, every other event that follows us as we move on will keep us in the same place. Therefore, there needs to be an entire mind switch that no longer looks at current events in our lives with a victim mindset.

Because you have breath, things will happen and what will be crucial is how you decided to view this these things. Can we talk about Joseph from the bible? He is a victor that made a name for himself with the help of God, but he could have easily been a victim and forgotten. Just think of how easy it would have been for Joseph to play the victim in his story. His brother threw him in a pit and sold him because they were jealous. Joseph had every right to play the victim, but the sorrow and distress that could have come from that would have not seen him through to be the second in command in Egypt. He eventually saved the same brothers that sold him because he chose not to magnify the woes of playing the victim. Joseph had dealt with other events that he never allowed to get him trapped in the victim mindset. He was a victim when he was accused of rape. He was a victim when he was thrown in prison for something he did not do, but we all know that he his story did not end in prison. His story could have ended in that pit or in prison, but he did not allow the woes of playing the victim rule his life.

What is it that you have fallen woe it that it has impaired you to live a much desirable life? Pity parties for one are no fun, sitting there brewing on the many woes of your current situation does not fix it. Woes such as depression, despair, heartbreak, dejection, sorrow and gloom should not be your norm. The life you deserve is the life that brings out the victor in you. The victor that looks at those events as stumbling blocks that helped them see the importance of standing up again despite the falls.

Sorrow and distress can change your life based on how much you invest in them. If you are constantly looking for a reason to be sorrowful or distressed then you will certainly find it. How about if you are tired of playing the victim and feeding into those woes what do you do? Jeremiah says this:

Woe is me because of my hurt!

    My wound is grievous.

But I said, “Truly this is an affliction,

    and I must bear it.”

Jeremiah 10:19 (ESV)

Playing a constant victim in your story in the long run won’t serve you. You may have to bear the affliction with grace and grow through it. You don’t want to be stuck playing the victim in every situation, all it brings is deep sorrow and distress. You want to be able to enjoy your life knowing that despite it all, you are a victor that overcame all that that the devil throw at you hoping he would keep you stuck.

In closing, I just want to let you know that your present woe can be your future victory. But your victim minded way of thinking might be what hinders you from seeing beyond that present woe. You are spending too much time reliving those hurtful events and constantly reminding yourself that you are a victim. Do you know you can relive those events and see yourself as a victor? You overcame! Be proud of yourself. You certainly took your rightful place! You continue to do so as you trade your thorns for crowns.

Much Love,

Xholiwe

What is breakthrough supposed to look like?

Breakthrough doesn’t always look or feel like the beautiful sight of dawn.
-Xholiwe

Ever woke up to the sight of the sun rising? Beautiful? I totally agree with you. My friends while in the beautiful city of Pirovac, Croatia asked me to sneak out and see the sunrise. Apparently, the sunrises in Pirovac are the most beautiful according to the locals. The sunrises right above the beautiful Adriatic sea and creates a sight everyone must see. Unfortunately, I did not see this beautiful sunrise because I was not up for an early morning the day my friends sneak out to see it. They did however, show me the pictures and I regret not going because the sight of light touching earth again feels like a perfect breakthrough after you have been in the dark for too long. I have always likened breakthrough to dawn, you know always beautiful and worth the view, but what if breakthrough is dark and not a sight to see? No one wants to think of a breakthrough as dark, but I have had experienced breakthroughs that were dark and at first this type of breakthroughs threw me off because I wanted that sunrise type of breakthrough. I obviously didn’t not appreciate this type of breakthrough because it was hard, it involved letting go of certain people and things that I genuinely had love for, but they were clearly not God’s plan for me. Going through this type of breakthrough can be hard and a lot of times if you are not grounded in the word of God, it could be very discouraging. However, I got good news, once you brave this type of breakthrough you will appreciate it and see so much beauty in it.

We expect it, we all do, the sunrise, the birds are chirping and breathtaking type of breakthrough were everything falls into it’s rightful place. It is not wrong for us to want that, like who wouldn’t? It is a reminder that God is a good God and he is sure to keep his promises over our lives. That is great, but I am focusing on the dark breakthrough that even has you doubting if God even sees you. This type of breakthrough that tests your faith and patience when all you see around you is dark and uncertain. Often times with this type of breakthrough we get caught up in feeling hurt and discouraging versus viewing it as breakthrough that is necessary for our next level of growth. We all have those questions; God why me? or why have you forsaken me? Ever realized the minute our breakthrough does not match that of a beautiful sunrise we all go into question mode? This is a good time to take the time to find the right answers to all the questions.

Your approach to this type of breakthrough will determine your moving forward. Are you going to get mad with the answers you get and forfeit your breakthrough? Why will you get mad at God because he did not do it the way you pictured it? Rather than being mad, how about you trust that God still has a plan way better than you had.

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

Understand that God is not out to get you. He is not looking down from heaven thinking, hmm how can I ruin these people’s lives? If we were honest with ourselves we would know that there are certain habits, people, and places we visit that don’t represent us in the light God sees us. If we go through situations and think that everyone is the problem expect us, then we missed it all together. The dark breakthroughs that don’t make sense to you and others around you should be used to reflect and see what worked and what did not, so use this time wisely. Spend some honest time with yourself and learn your lessons. No, you are not busy to spend some honest time, please make time for our own sake. Grow in the understanding of who you are and who you are to God. Once you get pass this, trust me there is a sunrise breakthrough waiting for you, but you got to get pass this first! It is possible for you to go from not understanding;

  • Why you were laid off the job
  • Why the relationship didn’t work
  • Why you were the black sheep
  • Why the the deal didn’t work out
  • Why you had to deal with all the pain, while those that hurt you seem to be free

It will make sense one day, when you get to a place were you see it was worth it and necessary because God had a better plan for you!

So if are going through the not so pleasant kind of breakthrough, here are my last words of encouragement;You will get through it! And at the end of it all, it will be all so beautiful! Get ready for your sunrise breakthrough crowned royals!

Much Love!

Xholiwe