Posted on by thornstocrowns

Perseverance: New starts and stronger finishes

Photo by yang miao on Unsplash

Dear Crowned Royals, I bring you all the missed-year greetings from 2022 and share the joy of the new year with you! It has been a while since I last shared on here and I think now may be a good time for me to come out of hiding. We still have some work to do and I do hope God has been helping us through it all.

It is a start of a new year and we are all hoping for a great year, you know a year without the trials and tribulations. No one at the start of a new year wants to hear the word perseverance, because this word is associated with difficulty and by definition requires too much from us. I do hope that with this post you may look at perseverance a little differently and see the hope we build through it.

Why do we need to persevere?

Let me start off with a practical example that explains the need for us to persevere. A young man just graduated college and after several tries managed to score a final interview with his dream job. All he needs to do is drive downtown to seal the deal. He plans to get there on time and ensures his car has enough gas to get him there. He heads out to the city and traffic is flowing, he even may have some spare time to freshen up before his interview. Nothing should go wrong at this point, but then several cars ahead of him, an accident occurs and this slows traffic. What was supposed to be an easy drive to an interview becomes a difficult one as the young man tries to move around the traffic so he can make it to his job interview. All his efforts seem impossible and the spare time to possibly freshen up becomes less and less. To make things worse his phone battery power left won’t allow him to make a call to explain his delay. This interruption could cost him losing a position he has been hoping for, does he stay in the traffic until he makes it to the interview or turns back and drives back home because all hope is lost? Many of you I want to assume would say he stays the traffic until he makes it right? I agree, he keeps going knowing that not all hope is lost and that with this seemingly difficult new start, there is a possible stronger finish.

We need perseverance because with it we make it through any and many of life’s difficult interruptions. Perseverance is the longevity of our hope that allows us to keep going even when situations seem impossible. God calls us to do so knowing that through perseverance, he has the opportunity to bless us and build our character. After one has experienced difficult circumstances and through it all continues to steadfastly persevere, one gains incredible strength to face life’s challenges as they come. The need to preserve typically starts when our life seemingly perfect life is interrupted and easily affects our wellness be it physical, emotional, or spiritual. It could be that you may have lost a loved one, missed a job opportunity, or received a bad doctor’s report and the list goes on. There are so many challenges in life that temporary hope cannot keep us going even if we tried. We then look to perseverance knowing that as we hold on to it all, we get to stay strong and most importantly finish strong despite the difficult life circumstances.

New starts and stronger finishes

There is this famous quote we come across online often or have heard others that says that “it is not how you start that is important, but how you finish.” Starting can be hard, and holding on to hope at the initial start of a life challenge can even be harder. Look at this new, not-so-pleasant start for you as a way to stand the test of time and come out stronger. Making the choice to persevere even at what seems like defeat allows us to pick ourselves back up again and again with every other life challenge we are dealt with. Call it a ripple effect, but once a person perseveres through a couple of life lows, it builds them for the next. Obviously, at the start of it, one does not recognize the strength they continue to build as they keep choosing to keep going despite it all. There are quite a few more other great things we gain as we continue to persevere, but one thing I would like to mention is how we grow in patience. It is a great fruit of the spirit after all and makes a seemingly difficult or delayed situation so much better. With patience and perseverance, you are well on your way to a stronger finish. Don’t give up just yet because a stronger finish is why you have held on so long. Some of you have been persevering for a while now, but hold on. What does a strong finish look like? Well, it looks like you coming out on the other side still trusting, still hoping, and still believing that this life challenge will change. Despite the many setbacks, obstacles, hurts, frustrations, and delays, you will be able to see a turnaround of things because you choose to persevere. And because you have chosen to do so, God has this promise for you;

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

James 1:12 NIV

Please find comfort in knowing that your efforts to persevere are blessed by God. He knows that it is never an easy start, but just like you he hopes for a stronger finish. He wants the opportunity to bless you because you stood the test. One story that came to mind of God’s blessing to those that persevere is the story of Job. Wow! Job had some serious seemingly impossible life challenges, but through it all, he kept his hope and persevered through every test. He was greatly blessed by God, all he lost was doubled, and now that is a strong finish. While you think about your own life challenges, take some time to read or reflect on Job’s perseverance experience and see if there are things you can adapt for your own experience.

Stay encouraged! There is a stronger finish that awaits you, do not be discouraged by the start of it at all. Perseverance is the longevity of our hope and it is something you can do. I pray God helps you through it all so that you too can be blessed by him. It is time for you to take your rightful place, it is time for you to trade thorns for crowns.

Much love,

Xholiwe

Posted on by thornstocrowns

Holding on to Hope: Why hold on?

“I am sorry, mom is no more” My aunties sat close by me as they told me this and waited for my reaction. Denial quickly set into me and I asked, “what do you mean mom is no more?” then the news settled, my mother just passed away. I went into a panic and began to cry frantically, but that was not my state a few hours before this devastating news. A few hours before this I was holding on to hope that my mother would be healed from that illness. I said a prayer before taking a peaceful nap and held on to whatever small hope I had left, but this news killed the little hope I had stored up. I was hoping for a different outcome, but it quickly began to feel unfair and I remember thinking why did I even hope. Why did I hold on to hope when the situation was hopeless? What did the little hope I held on to do for me? I know those are a lot of questions, but I want to share on what holding on to hope can do for you even in the most hopeless situations.

I did a little research on Google and asked Google how many times the word hope is mentioned in the bible. Well, Google doesn’t know it all, but from the few numbers that came up it is at least over a hundred times across the different versions of the bible that the word hope is mentioned. It gave me much reason to understand the significance of holding on to our hope, I am certain that when God mentions a word over a hundred times, then we should know what it means to him. Hope like many other words gives so much meaning to one’s life, to many of us it is a core of our continued will to stay alive. Our plans, aspirations, desires, goals just to mention a few are encompassed by the word “hope”. As christians we find our confidence, strength and motivation is in the things we hope for. Let hope not be mistaken for a wish, hope is holds much weight than a mere wish. Hope is literally a pushing force that ignites our faith and gives us much reason not to quit. The unforeseen power of hope is that it is the peaceful reassurance even in the midst of a hopeless situation. That is why we must hold on to it knowing that in our hope there is reassurance that whatsoever the outcome, things are going to be just fine. I look back now to when I was told the news about my mother’s passing and think to myself, it was my hope that helped me endure the grief and loss of my mother. Also, it is now hope that reminds me that hopeless situations are not all the way hopeless if you hold on to whatever little hope you have left.

Anchored in hope

The purpose of an anchor is to keep something from moving, to stay grounded. When we are anchored in hope even though we did not get that positive outcome we wanted, our anchor sets us up to stay grounded in our belief in God and also reminds us that it will not always be this way. We hold on to hope knowing that our hope will see us through several other difficulties we may face in the future and we will not be shaken. Understandably, we have been faced with some difficult times in our lives, it could be the loss of a loved one, loss of opportunities to better our lives, just to mention a few. In those difficult times we have hoped and prayed for a positive outcome, only to be faced with a different outcome. Hope after the different outcome is what builds us up to persevere this halt or set back we are face to face with. It is important to stay anchored in such difficult times before we drift away into despair.

Why hold on?

The big question is why should we hold on to something that is not even certain? We hold on because our hope is the essence of our continued lives lived on Earth. By holding on we save ourselves from going into to despair (a state of hopelessness) from the many struggles we face and will face in the future. Have you ever met a person that let go of hope and you saw their despair? they don’t have to verbally say it because it could be felt. Despair just like many other undesired feelings comes because we let go of our hope. Therefore, holding on to our hope is important because it is what pushes us keep going on in this life long journey filled with many twists and turns. Again, holding on to hope is where you find your strength, you peace and your willingness to keep going despite all things. So hold on to it!

GOd and hope

You know I will not write a whole blog post without quoting the bible verse that speaks of hope and like the church girl I am, I find such joy in reading this verse over and over again especially when I feel like I am losing hope or I am getting low on faith.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Hebrews 11 v1

Hope brings about faith, both things that God desires we have in our lives. While we hope, we build our faith, is that not amazing? why not hold on to something that actually builds even greater faith within you for the things unseen. I believe God wants us to hold on to hope for several reasons, but mainly for him to fulfil his promises over our lives. God knows that our hold gives us confidence to even overcome the next (2 Cor 3:12). Another amazing thing about hope is that it brings us peace and joy (read Proverbs 10 v 23). It doesn’t end there, remember what I said earlier, hope is our anchor (read Hebrews 6:19). All the good comes from us hold on to hope, and that could be even the smallest hope you have left in you. hope anyway because;

For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees?

Romans 8 v 24 (ESV)

We are saved in our hope! Let that sink in the inner depth of your soul, especially if you have been not been doing well with holding on to your hope. If we saw it all we would hope, but then like the verse says, who hopes for what he sees?

In ending this post, I urge you to hold onto your hope in God, in your life, for your family, for your aspirations and for your healing (we are need it, trust me). Fight your way out of despair and hope again. What brought you to despair was not meant to keep you there and leave you there. There is hope in the things unseen and yours is to pick up on that hope and hold on to it and never let it go. It is time for you to take your rightful place! it is time to trade thorns for crowns.

Much Love,

Xholiwe

Posted on by thornstocrowns

Commitment Issues: You made the decision, now what?

Crowned Royals!! Greetings! Greetings! and many more greetings! This is to make up for all the months that have went passed without my hellos. I hope you are well and are using everyday to trade those thorns for crowns. Forgive my silence, I used most of my time away to catch up with travel, something that makes me feel connect to the world and absolutely love. Last year was pretty hard for a travel junkie like me because of the travel restrictions due to the pandemic, but I am thankful to God I got to see a few places this summer. My last blog was about making decisions and I wanted to pick up where I left off and tie this bow up. Decisions are often followed with commitment, and while making decisions can be easy, commitment to those decision can be hard. Just like you, I have made the decision and struggled with the commitment, so how can we deal with our commitment issues?

Did you notice the blog photo I settled for captures two wedding bands? I couldn’t think of any other form of commitment that holds so much weight than marriage. Yes, I know 50% of marriages end up in divorce, but before that happened two people decided to commit to it and along the way for various reasons, things changed. No, this is not turning into a relationship blog, but keep the idea of this type of commitment to your decision making and commitment as we unpack together. Many of the decisions we make whether small or major require some level of commitment, but what happens when we fear commitment to those decisions? we run into commitment issues! What are commitment issues?

commitment issues

Commitment issues can stem up from several places, it would be fear based off past experiences or difference in opinions. When someone is having commitment issues, most of their decision making can be based off a fear of the unknown. The fear of the unknown raises the question of what ifs….The danger to this is that we could be making the right decisions, but would be unable to accomplish because of our commitment issues, hence limiting ourselves. For example, I watched a BBQ show sometime ago on Netflix and one episode told a story of a young man from a little town in the South that was good at barbecuing. His barbecue joint was in the family for many years and passed down to him and he would also train his son to take over the business after him. He know his place was good and people in the bigger city would want to have a taste of his amazing food, however, his family feared for him to move to a bigger city and that eventually made him fear as well for years. He would be offered an opportunity to expand his business, but would decline it and not commit even though he wanted to. After some years, he finally got the courage to commit to his decision to move to the bigger city and he never looked back. He grew his business in the big city and investors invested into his eating place all because he committed himself to his decision. Perfect happy ending right? What if he decided to stay in the small city and allowed his commitment issues to limit his reach? We would be telling a different story and that story would not be as great as what changed for the young man. While we are not facing the decision to move our eating places to a bigger city, we are still facing some decisions we are having a tough time committing to due to our commitment issues.

Why Commitment?

Ever heard of someone not committed to anything accomplish something significant in their lives or that of others? I will wait. I bet you haven’t, but we hear many stories of those that commited and accomplished much. Commitment is an action and if one struggles with commitment issues that means that decisions are made without action or intention to commit.

Imagine with me for a second, Jesus’s commitment to die on the cross for us…significant right? but imagine if he dealt with commitment issues, what would have that meant for us? But Jesus was commitment till the very end even with the process, the pain and the sacrifice. The whole point of commitment is not giving up. What makes it so difficult for us to commit to a decision that will be for our good? While there are several excuses and reasons we can use to justify our lack of commitment or fear of it, what then do we do when our commitment issues contribute to our constant draw back? T.D Jakes said this “you cannot conquer what you are not committed to.” Many of us want accomplish this change in our lives and all that is good to manifest in our lives, but have we ever thought the reasoning behind us not accomplishing is due to our struggle with commitment issues. We want the good [insert your heart’s desire], but the good cannot be achieved if we don’t commit to our decision. Here is why you should commit;

  1. Your commitment pleases God
  2. Commitment helps build your character
  3. Commitment makes you accountable for your own progress, errors and corrections
  4. Commitment makes dreams a reality
  5. Commitment is rewarding when you put in the work
  6. Commitment pushes you to succeed

Still need more reasons to convince you to commitment to your decisions? I don’t have to go have far. Just think of the many things that you have limited yourself of accomplishing by allowing your commitment issues to hold you back. I get it, I too have had some things that I convinced myself out of because of the fear that came from my commitment issues. Just like you I have had my many excuses that were backed up with detailed reasoning, but at the end I still was the one that lost. Many of us are losing because we are afraid, and if we were to all critically look at our lives we would see that our loses are coming from our lack of commitment.

GOD AND COMMITMENT

As a kid we used to sing this song ‘No Turning Back’ in Sunday school and to be honest it didn’t mean much to me until I understood my commitment to God. The words to the song are pretty simple… I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back… I interpret the words to this song as commitment. We decide to follow Jesus and not turn back, almost like how Jesus said that no man will put his hand to the plow and looks back (Luke 9 vs 62).

Our commitment to God pleases him. He desires our commitment to him and all that is about him. He exemplifies commitment by allowing his son Jesus to die for us. Jesus his beloved son he gave to us because of his commitment to free set us. He shows us that commitment issues do not help us accomplish something significant by this very act. Understand that it is very easy for our commitment to God to easily also affect our other commitments in different areas your lives. For some it starts there, at least for me it did! It starts with knowing that you are committed to a God that is also committed to you and has your best interest. God has your best interest, he too wants to see you accomplish based off your commitment. The good part about all this is that God wants us to commit to him whatever we do and he will help! Don’t believe me? here is some word for you;

“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans”

-Proverbs 16:3-

Rather than constantly being with the fear of committing to your decision alone, why not make the commit to the Lord and find your strength even when fear wants to give you an excuse or reason to quit. He being God will help you establish you plans, but you have to stay committed.

I will end by saying, there is nothing you accomplish when you allow commitment issues to limit your reach, growth, change etc. There is however, much to be accomplished with you deciding to fully commit to your decision in the good and in the bad. You continue to trust the process and fight off the fear that comes from your commitment issues. It is time for you to take your rightful place. It is time for you to trade thorns for crowns!

Much Love,

Xholiwe

Posted on by thornstocrowns

Living with your decisions: The good, the bad and the ugly

Hello Crowned Royals! It has been a very long minute, but I hope all is well with you. I am doing well and just like you, I continue to work towards trading my thorns for crowns. I have been wanting to write on this topic for quite a while now, so hopefully my thoughts are still as fresh as I need them to be. Decisions, we all have to make them and eventually we all have to live with them. I am assuming that all my readers are adults and at some point in your lives had to make some major decisions, however big or small, the decisions were made and whether good, bad, or ugly, you lived with your decisions. So let us talk about talk about them!

Not so recently, I went to a restaurant with some friends, I was quite familiar with the menu and knew what was good there and decided on my order easily. My friends on the other hand were visiting the place for the first time and just like most first timers, they did ask what was good, I shared my suggestions, but allowed them to make their own decision. Despite my suggestions, they decided to go for something different and that was okay by me because they were first timers. Our meals were brought to the table and everyone dug into their meals, and immediately you could tell that not everyone was happy with their choice. I was quite happy with my chicken parmesan dish, but it may have been too late for the others to change their order so they ate their food regrettably. They envied by chicken parmesan and some even asked to have a taste of my good meal choice . You might be wondering, what does this meal story have to do with living with our decisions, well, all that is just a simple example with no major consequences of how our decisions eventually live with us. While you are not dealing with eating bland food that could not be saved by any amount of salt and pepper, you are dealing with major life decisions that come with major consequences and you would want to make the right decision with those ones. Throughout this blog I want you to think about your major life decisions and how you live or have lived with them.

Major Life Decisions and living with the them

What are major life decisions? These are decisions that can literally change your life for the good or for the bad. These type of decision impact our lives in major ways, for example, what state should I move to? must I make a career change at this age? is this the right person to marry? etc. Major life decisions are what you live with and unlike deciding on what meal at the restaurant, they are far more complex to be taken lightly. Major life decision require more thought and discernment. Unfortunately, we have more people making major decisions without understanding the complexity of their choices. Whether the decision is good, bad, or ugly the lack of understanding the complexity is what we end up missing overall. If you have ever had to make a major life decision, then you should know by now that not every decision is fun to make and if you are like me, you would rather make the fun decisions and skip those though ones. But unfortunately life does not work that way and so we also have to make sound decisions for even the tough ones because we eventually live with them too. For every major life decision you make, remember that it manifests in your life and how it manifests is what lives with you. How are you living with those decisions?

If you have ever had to live the consequences of your decisions, then you know what it is like to either be glad you made that decision or regret making that decision. We want to think making decisions is the hard part, but have you ever lived through the bad decision you made? Such torture, right? and even though there might be someone to blame, you still made that choice too. Once we get to experience this type of regret with our choices, we then use to to make wiser choices and live with better consequences. Easier said than done for sure, but what would you rather live with? the good? the bad? or the ugly?

Decisions, Decisions and More decisions…. does it ever end?

Just when you thought you made the right decision, here comes another decision causing you sleepless nights as you try to rationally figure out what to do next…been there? there right now? I think we all have been there or are there right now and the question is when does it end? I personally think it does not end, as long as we are alive, we will have decisions to make. It is quite easy to despise major decision making, but do you realize that so much power lies in you making your decisions. I think God gave us the ability to decide so that we are able to see the power our decisions have over us. If you are like me and have made some good, bad and ugly decisions, then you know the power of your decisions really impact your life. With the many decisions we have to make in our lifetime, we quickly learn that our decisions have consequences and those consequences are what we live with. Because decision making will not end anytime soon for you, how best can you make sound decisions and live with them in harmony?

Making Sound Decisions

There are several ways to go about making wiser decisions that you will not have to hating living with the bad choices. I know this because I have made my share of bad decisions and if I just applied some of these listed below things could have been different. I hope these help you too;

  1. Seek counsel- with God, trusted family/friend, church counsellors (pastors etc)
  2. Realize there is power in your decision
  3. Don’t allow fear to decide for you
  4. Learn from your bad decisions and don’t repeat them
  5. Never make decisions under pressure
  6. Evaluate your decisions

God and Decisions

Here is the exciting part of the blog, some assurance that all of us can appreciate as we make decisions. God wants to be part of our decision making, he actually delights in us seeking his counsel regarding our major life decisions, even the ones we consider small. God wants us to make good and sound decisions that allow us to realize the power our decisions have over our lives. He gives us freedom with our choices and that speaks of a lot of his love for us. As complex as decision making is, it is comforting to know that God is willing to help us decide, our job is just to seek his Godly counsel. Living with your decisions under God’s counsel is the ultimate goal. Allow him to guide and help you on which way to go and most importantly what decision to make. Making decision is already hard and can oftentimes leave you frustrated, angry, overwhelmed, confused, restless just to mention a few. So why then complicate your decision making by trying to decide on major life decisions on your own? Check in with God and see what he has to say about your choices. His word in Proverbs sums this all up beautifully;

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and never lean on your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your path.

Proverbs 3 v 5-6

All in all, we can all admit decision making can be hard at times and can even be worse when we have to live with the bad choices we make. My final thoughts on this is that we do not always have to make the bad choices and learn from them later if we just start by making the right ones from now on. How do we do so? By not making these decisions alone! We seek counsel, we learn from past mistakes, we don’t take major life decision making lightly, we don’t allow fear to decide for us and we eventually decide on the right choice. It is time for us to make the right decisions and live with them. It is time for us to take our rightful place! It is time to trade thorns for crowns.

Much Love,

Xholiwe

Posted on by thornstocrowns

Schooled by experience: What a book can’t teach you

Greetings Crowned Royals! I hope all is well with you and your loved ones. I am so excited to write again this week and share with you what has been on my mind of late. Writing on failure last week made me think of something closely related, but a much border topic that we will unpack together. While Failure falls under the entire scope of our life experience, it literally is a small segment of it when we think of our many life experiences and how they shaped us to be who we are today. There is a famous quote that says experience is the best teacher and I couldn’t agree any more. Experience teaches us things about us that the books can not even explain. Being schooled by experience is far more complex and it demands more of your character than it does our intelligence. So, what makes experience the best teacher hands down? To answer this question, think of your own experience; the lessons, the rewards, the surprises, the tests, the uncertainties, fears and how all of that helped shape you to be the person you are today.

What is it like to be schooled by experience

Being schooled by experience is like going on a experimental roller coaster ride blindfolded without any idea on when the highs and lows will hit you. You will be met with many highs and many lows along the way, yet you stay on the ride and hopefully pay attention and take some notes because there will be tests after each ride. When you being schooled by experience, you will notice how you are not being asked to memorize knowledge, but you are rather required to apply the knowledge to your life experience. It is very hands on and practical type of school experience.

Another thing you will notice while being schooled by experience is that comparing and copying off others life experiences will not work so well for your own. Life experiences are told differently by everyone because of how we handle the lessons taught from our highs and lows. Not everyone handles these lessons well, and maybe you haven’t done so well either other times when handed these lessons, but your work and effort to do better is a choice you make for yourself. Doing all of this is not an easy task, so teaching tools such as books can help better prepare for while being schooled. While books are a great teaching tool, they can only go so far in helping us mature than actual experience can do.

BOOKS as a Teaching tool

If you are not reading a book that will help your current life situation, please read something! God has blessed many people to write books on different aspects of life and he gave us his word the Bible that touches on every aspect on life. Books are a great teaching tool that provide you with insight and practical examples. From books we learn that we are not the only ones experiencing life’s highs and lows. The only thing the book can’t teach us is how to learn from our own unique experience. We have books that will help us learn and understand our situations better, so that even as we experience, we go in somewhat prepared. A book will give you a general overview, instructions, advise and commend you, but the work starts when you apply the knowledge of and make it practical for to your own experience. Here is what a book CAN NOT teach;

  • Your own unique purpose
  • Your resilience and tolerance during your lows
  • How to handle your own success and failures in life and move on
  • Your own perspective over your life
  • How to be patient and kind to yourself as you experience life
  • The choices you make and made had a huge impact on your life

EXPERIENCE as a teacher

Can we all admit that experience has thrown us some harsh lessons, I mean really harsh that for some of us it changed our way and meaning of life. Experience is the teacher that most of us wish we did not have to take a class with them or maybe skip a couple lessons and still expect to pass. Wrong! As you experience life more, you will soon realize that there are no redos or make up tests like it was in school. Life experiences are about how well you handled the highs and lows and what you learned along the way is more valuable than you can imagine. Experience as a teacher has the ability to wipe us into shape and despite some painful lessons we would be thanking it later. Experience teach us that success is good and so is failure. We will be faced with many tests and as we continue to learn, but experience as a teacher cheers us on to keep going and growing in the process. Experience will teach us the valuable lessons of life that we can then use to help others that continue to struggle. Once you are schooled by experience you will soon learn the important of every high and low in your life and not take it for granted. Here is what experience WILL teach you:

  • Your own unique purpose
  • Your resilience and tolerance during your lows
  • How to handle your own success and failures in life and move on
  • Your own perspective over your life
  • How to be patient and kind to yourself as you experience life
  • The choices you make and made had a huge impact on your life

God and experience

God created us to experience life in its fullness, he knew that we will experience all the highs and lows and was confident that we would through the process learn who we are and not quit on life because of it. For some of us, our experiences helped align us back to God’s will for our lives. We had to take those hard and painful lessons to be able to come back to where we should have been in the first place. God like any loving parent helps correct us through our experience and while the lesson was not pleasant at first, we were surely grateful. He used our experience for our good. God used our experience for our good! Let us see what scripture says:

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Hebrews 12 vs 11

To be trained by experience is good! There is a harvest that comes with you staying the course and making the choice to grow and transform from your own life experiences. Allow yourself to be trained by the best teacher and while you are at it utilize books and study the word of God. With that said, I hope you can now see that being schooled by experience is not such a bad thing after all. Through the entire process you get to learn who you are and understand why your experience was tailor made for you.

It is time for us to take our rightful place, it is time to trade thorns for crowns!

Much Love!

Xholiwe

Posted on by thornstocrowns

Always a winner: What happens when you fail

To win again you need to critically look at your failure and handle it well. -Xholiwe-

Hello Crowned Royals! Greeting from the winter wonderland land of Illinois. I hope you are doing wonderful and not quitting for nothing until you take your crowns. I thought of writing this week because I had many thoughts regarding failure and how most of us don’t take it so well. I totally understand us because let’s be honest failure is not not as exciting as winning. We all want to win, I mean who wouldn’t want to always be the winner? But what happens when you fail?

If you have ever played a good game of Monopoly with either friends or family, then you know not everyone takes failure very well. Remember when your competitive family member or friend lost all their money and property on Monopoly? How did they take that failure? I am guessing not so well and that was just in a game of Monopoly. Unfortunately, failure goes beyond the a fictional board game, even for the people that have always been winning in real life. Unexpectedly for some failure comes as a surprise and their inability to handle failure can be quite devastating. For people that are used to always winning, I want to tell you right now that failure is okay. Failure is not the end of your winning streak, and will not ruin your life. I hope after this blog the “f” word will be a comfortable thing for you to say without panicking.

What happens when we fail?

When we fail there are two ways we can go and the choose is usually up to us and how we handle our failures. You could either take the route that tells you are not enough because you failed in something or the route that says use our failure as a learning point to grow and mature. It is hard to take the second route if you have always been the winner, losing for someone who has always been a winner is so scary. But I don’t think many people are impressed by a story of someone who has always been winning. In fact, people don’t buy tickets to motivational speakers who have always been winning, what sales those tickets is that failure was involved. We have heard the stories of the winners and champions we admire and they have something in common and that is failure. They share on their failures and just for a second we look at their humanness and that they too are not exempt from it. But if these people took the route that told them they were not enough and should quit, then we would have lost champions because of their inability to handle failure well.

I get it failure does not feel good, starting over does not make any sense at all, but once you decide to take the route of growth and maturity from your failures then you are going to see failure much differently than you did before.

Changing your perspective on failure

A lot of us have looked at failure negatively because we live in a society that does not celebrate failure, if anything we would rather failure did not exist. We all want to win, winning is appealing and well celebrated. Think about how a winning sports team brings celebration to its fans compared to the losing team that leaves it’s fans devastated. For the team that lost, their failure allows them to look critically at their mistakes and how they could improve for the next game or season. Rather than allowing failure to devastate and overwhelm you, look at failure as a place to learn and improve yourself and not beat yourself up about it. Starting off from this perspective of failure will help you realize that your failure is your learning point and not the end of your perfect world of winning. To win again you need to critically look at your failure and handle it well. Some of us could admit that we have not handles our failures well, and that later even lead to our own destruction.

Your inability to look at failure positively will easily frustrate, anger, overwhelm, guilt, shame and discourage you when you do experience it. I totally understand the feeling and emotions that come with failure because I too have failed miserably in some areas of my life and if I allowed that failure to devastate me, then I would be telling a different story. The feelings that come with failure are valid, but you can’t not allow them to guide you through your failures. You are allowed to feel all the feels, but dwelling on them and letting them lead you is an absolute no. Allow yourself the time to mourn your failure, but quickly remind yourself that failure is a learning point and learn what you have to learn from it.

God’s view on failure

There many Bible stories that tell me that God was okay with failure. He worked with many flawed people that experienced major failure. I think of the many failures of David and how God still used him and lifted him up above all the failures. I think of the failures of Peter and how God still used Peter to build the church. God may have realized it before we did, that we would fail at some point in our lives and he hoped we would see it much differently and handle it much differently than we do. God views failure as a teachable moment for you and also a place that helps you grow into knowing who you are in him. God is not looking at your failure and thinking you are defeated because of it. He is hoping you are taking failure well and not allowing it to overwhelm you and take you away from trying again. He is hoping you are realizing that failure is inevitable and not a death sentence. Rather than looking at failure as a limitation as we look at it, God looks at it as a place of possibility. A place where we can mature and take a more accurate look at our failure and how it can help us grow and build resilience. With failure God would want us to see our humanness and that even we are flawed, but have a perfect God that is able use us despite our failures and shortcomings. Think about it, if God only used people that were always winners, how would the flawed related to their own failures? For example if God only used the perfect, how would the world we live in look at failure? much worse than it is today. We would think perfect is the only way to be used by God, but on the contrary, God is wanting to help and work with the person who embraces failure and handle it well. The word of God says this:

Because the Sovereign Lord helps me,
    I will not be disgraced.
Therefore have I set my face like flint,
    and I know I will not be put to shame.

Isaiah 50:7

Let us face it, failure is usually much louder than winning especially in the world that magnifies the failures of others, so this verse should be comforting to all of us. Even in failure God will help us and we shall not be disgraced! Glory to God who shows us grace even in our failure.

With that said, I hope you look at your failure much differently than you did before. I hope you are able to change your perspective on your failures and how well you can handle them. Don’t hate me for saying it, but failure is good for you. Failure will help you grow, humble and mature you. Failure is a perfect teachable moment for you and God is most likely to be part of that moment. Realize that if you have not experienced failure or are like me and have had your share of failures, then your failure does not mean your defeat. There is still a lot of room to win! Before we jump into the winning court, learn from the previous failures and grow. It is time for you to take your rightful place! It is time for you to trade thorns for crowns.

Much Love,

Xholiwe

Posted on by thornstocrowns

Knotted: The emotional process of un-knotting painful ties

Hello Crowned Royals, Happy New Year to you all! I hope each and everyone of you are doing your best work to attain your crowns. If you asked me what your number 1 resolution should be, I would say attain your crowns and the rest will fall into place.

I was hoping to have written this blog earlier in the year because in the beginning of the year, most people are open to change so hope I am not too late. I want us to talk about knots, not the knots you see on the features image, but the painful knotted ties within us. We continue to do life while knotted with painful ties, which we have a tough time admitting to the emotional roller coaster they put on us. I hope this blog will help you realize that it is possible to un-knot those ties, and also be well aware of the emotional process that comes with un-knotting.

If you have ever been knotted in painful ties then you know that it feels impossible to get out of it, especially if the people or situation is something that changed your life drastically. Breaking of ties while knotted can take you from feeling frustrated, to sad, to angry, to restless, but at least if you have already began the process of un-knotting, you are off to a good start. I liken the emotional process of un-knotting to my constant battle with my knotted necklaces in my jewelry box. I think the ladies can agree with me, when jewelry gets knotted it also feels impossible to pull apart. I realized from the many un-knotting I had to do with my necklaces that if my patience was short, I got angry and frustrated, which lead me to quitting pretty quickly in the process. Even though that was the jewelry piece I wanted to compliment my outfit, I quit on separating it from the other because of the process it took. why was I quick to quit? Well, I think the patience and my emotions got the best of me and did not allow me to finish what I started, which would have eventually benefited me. I know this a trivial example compared to un-knotting actual painful ties in our lives, but isn’t that what we do? We being to un-knot hurriedly things that need time and patience, and because it did not happen quickly we then begin to go through the roller coaster of emotions. Once we allow for these emotions to get the best of us, we are unable to see the many knots we missed and continue to live knotted. Why do we then settle for a knotted life?

Living a knotted life

If you have ever known a life lived knotted then you will know that it is not one you can say you are living your best life. But why are so many knotted people claiming to live their best lives? Hmm, I can give you several reasons, but the first one that jumps out of my mind is denial. We as human tend to think by denying painful ties that they magically disappear, unfortunately, those things only happen in fairy tales. What we go through and experience in our life’s is real and can not be ignored. The knotted life is a life lived in constant denial of one’s reality. What denial does is that it takes away from the person’s ability to recognize that there are painful ties that they need to knot out if they want to live a better life. I know of the knotted life because I once lived it and let me tell you, it is no way to live. It is quite sad to know that many of us continue to live the knotted life and have normalized it because not many of have taken up the task to actually got through the process of un-knotting. But if you are one that is tired of the knotted life like I was, then I think it is time to go through the process head first and not to quit when it gets hard. Because it will get hard at some point, but quitting shouldn’t be you option.

The emotional process of un-knotting painful ties

Now that we know that the knotted life is not the way to live and have decided to un-knot it all, what can we expect? Well, we expect ourselves to go through one tedious and intense emotional process that in the end will give us a life lived with no denial. If you won’t come ready for such an emotional process, then you will be quitting even before it begins. Painful ties are not just little issues that you had with a co-worker that can be cleared over a cup of coffee. Painful ties are things that come with intense emotion and pain and for some those ties changed their lives and how they live. It may be the painful ties with a memory of losing a loved one, ties with failed relationships (intimate, family and friends), and ties with guilt from a situation that was not even your fault that changed it all.

The process to un-knotting all this will take you up and down with your emotions, but as you go through it you are not to allow your emotions to get the best of you. Emotions in the process are inevitable because what tied you up in the first place was associated to an emotion. Once you allow emotions such as anger, frustration, shame etc to get the best of you through the initial process of un-knotting, the process will be much harder, but that is no reason to quit. Are you allowed to feel these emotions as you un-knot? Absolutely! But do you dwell on them? No. You step by step begins to un-knot by letting go of the emotion associated to the painful ties. For example, you were angry that your father abandoned you at a young age. In this process you un-knot by letting go of the tie associated with the anger you felt as a child when your father left. The emotional process will mostly ask for you to look back to past events, remember certain people you chose to forget, feel the pain again and almost re-live what you have been in denial of, but it is all necessary and all part of it. Because this is a tedious and intense emotional process, you can’t do this alone. who will help you through this process?

Where is God in this Process?

God is glad that you have decided to go through the process of un-knotting the painful ties in your life. If anything, God is glad you have come to the realization that living a knotted life is not as fulfilling. God has been in the process even before your realization. He is one that is always waiting on us to take that first step and commit to the process. Once committed God is right next to you even through the emotions that are associated with the painful tie. He will send you help too, people that will help you through this process. You are not alone! God knows exactly how the painful ties make or made you feel. He knows the emotional toll it took on you to be tied up in such pain. Therefore, he knows how to help you un-knot through each step of the process. How do you get help? just like any tied up wounded solider, you cry out for help and seek the help of the Lord through your prayer to him. Like I said before, he has been in the process even before your realization. Call on him! Here is some scripture to remind you that you are not alone in this process God says:

…Never will I leave; never will I forsake you

Hebrews 13:5

That is God’s promises for you and me, that even through this process he is with us. The process is indeed tedious and intense, but knowing that you don’t have to do it alone is much reason for you to take on the challenge. You can not afford to quit and miss out on a life that is filled with the peace and presence of God. A life lived un-knotted! Now that is living your best life! But it does come with a process that you must be willing to take all the way. I know you can do it! It is time for you to take you rightful place. It is time for you to trade thorns for crowns!!

Much Love,

Xholiwe

Posted on by thornstocrowns

The Fight of your Life: How can you win?

Hello Crowned Royals, I hope all is well with you and that you are doing your best to stay above ground as we wrap up this year. I know for some 2020 has been a long and hard year and for others it has been a year that allowed you to reflect on your life on a much deeper level. Looking back to this year might just show you at how much you had to fight off to stay above ground. While some had to fight a little harder than others, I think is safe to say that we were all fighting. We had to fight to stay sane, healthy, present, just to mention a few, nevertheless, life was still going on. I decided to write on the fight for your life because fighting for your life is not a one and done thing, but a continual fight that requires your resilience and will to stay standing in every battle ground you are thrown into. If you have ever been thrown into a fighting ring without any knowledge on how to fight your opponent then you might already be fighting a losing battle, but if you come in ready to fight with knowledge of who you are up against, then chances are that you are likely to win. Winning is the result we all should aim for, and if we have to win we need a whole lot more than only acknowledging that we are in a fight for our lives.

Story time: Before I became the girly girl I am today, I was mostly hanging out with my guy cousins and like very young boy back in the early 2000s, the boys loved to watch WWE (wrestling) and later play it on their video games. Because I was outnumbered by the boys, I too eventually got to love WWE and playing video games with them that involved fighting. Now that I think of WWE and playing fighting video games, there was one thing that was common, it was intimidation. How wrestlers in the ring would intimidate their opponents or how my bigger boy cousins will intimidate me was a common trend. In the fight of your life, you will also notice that even before you decide to throw any punches, your opponent will use intimidation to lower your chances of winning and most of us will flee without a fight. Once we give in into intimidation, we let go of our chance to fight and give the opponent the upper hand. One fighting story that just came to my mind is the historic biblical fight of David and Goliath. Goliath was David’s opponent and he did use intimidation to scare away David from attempting to fight, but little did he know that David was ready and had knowledge of his opponent and was training for this epic fight way before it happened. If you want to win the fight for your life then maybe you can start off my realizing that every fight requires your attention. If David was dismissive of this prior fights, how would he then have known how to fight Goliath? Pay attention, every fight is preparation for the next.

Know your own fight

The fight of your life may look nothing like another person’s fight because we all have our own circumstances that we are to overcome. One’s strategy to win may or may not work for you, but yours is to fight anyway. While others have to fight a little harder, others have less to fight for, but yours is to fight. I consider myself a fighter and in the amount of time I have been alive, I would like to think my fights were much more than others and at first I did not receive this revelation well. I thought why can’t I fight a little less like my friends do and just chill, but God knew best that I needed strength for the several other fights that will come my way. God has to build me to not be intimidated by my enemy, but to stay standing confidently knowing that God has my back. Maybe you are like me and you feel like you are in a constant battle that you want to win, I would encourage you to keep fighting. Will you like it at first? absolutely not! But nothing is more rewarding than the victory over a fight for your life.

Who are you fighting against?

Understand that the fight of your life is more spiritual than it is physical. Yes, your physically body does respond the your spiritual battle in some way. I remember when I was depressed, my body was just losing weight, even though I ate food normally. My body was responding in stress when things and people were constantly frustrating me. My physical body was extremely tired and beat down even though I was not in a physical fight. The fight of your life will require more of you and your spiritual attention. The bible says we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places [Ephesians 6:12]. Who have you been fighting? Have you been fighting the wrong person all this while and have been unable to win? The Bible let’s you know who you are up against and in order to win your battle the first step would be knowing who you are up against. When you are constantly fighting people and not what is backing their fight towards you then winning will be a far reach for you. So how can you win?

6 ways that can help you win your fight

  1. Know your opponent: you have to know who you are up against, you have to study their ways and build your strategy in order to win. You can’t come to a fighting ring without knowledge of who you are up against. So who are you up against for the fight of your life? Your answer is in Ephesians 6:12. So where is the fight ring? in the spirit, how do you fight in the spirit since it is not physical? answer is #2
  2. Prayer: Because you can not fight darkness, principalities, wickedness physically, you fight them in prayer grounds. Prayer is your weapon, use your words to win the fight of your life. Pray unceasingly because the fight for your life is a continual battle.
  3. Faith over fear: Some battles we have never experienced can be scary at first glance, but build you faith from it. Place your faith in God’s ability to help you win. Remember that this is not the first battle God helped you through.
  4. Don’t be intimidated: If you know your opponent, you know that they use intimidation to stop you from fighting, but you will make the choice to be bold and brave knowing that God is backing you up and that yours is the victory.
  5. Remember your training: If this is not the very first fight of your life, then you are to remember how you overcame and won your other fights. Even those small fights you consider irrelevant, there is something that could be used for your next battle.
  6. Apply your training: No, you will not just allow intimidation scare you away, but you will apply what you have learned over the years. Your will pray precisely and physically identify the wickedness, power, darkness that showed up in the people around you before taking your win in the spirit.

Once you begin to fight the right opponent and do it unceasingly for every battle ground you are thrown into, I tell you from experience that you will win. I will leave you with this encouraging verse as you pick up your weapons and fight for your life.

Fight the good fight of faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.

1 Timothy 6 v 12

Much Love,

Xholiwe

Posted on by thornstocrowns

The Missing Link: How to own your story

Hello Crowned Royals, I hope you are all doing well and keeping healthy. While some of you enjoy warm summers, winter is on its way up North. I am not opposed to all the holiday fuzzy feels that come with it, so winter 2020 please be kind to us. I have been so out of touch with my writing to you and that is not an excuse for someone that wants you trading those thorns for crowns, even in 2020 we are still in the business of trading thorns. And boy! aren’t there many thorns to trade in this one year alone.

I write to you with such openness because what I write does step on some people’s toes. It might step on your toes, so if it does I apologize in advance. So ownership of your story was heavy on my heart for the many weeks I did not write and now I am ready to unpack. Imagine with me, we are in court as observers following a court case that involves two people, it could be about anything, but in this case we will say this is a bad divorce case. The two parties involved present their stories before the judge and each brings out the many good points about themselves and very few selected bad points only to wait on the verdict of the judge. When telling their stories each may or may not own up to their full story and eliminate the bad side of the story, but at the end of it all the judge has the final verdict. I hope you know where I am going with this, no more sitting as an observer in court, you too have some telling to do in front of the judge. I don’t know at what point you are at in your life, but given the opportunity to tell your story, would you fully own up to your story? Funny thing about not owning up to your story is that the little piece of information you decided to leave out always has a way of showing right back up in your life and then begins your endless battle of self defense in your own court (your mind).

As I mature more, because give or take 3-4 years ago I obviously wasn’t as mature, I was the one that bought into (not always) one sided stories until I realized that everyone experiences a situation and life in general differently and how they choose to tell their story is totally up to them. The problem with this is that like the husband and wife defending their divorce in court, our stories may have many missing links. Here is my definition of missing links, missing links are deliberate eliminations to the full story used to protect us or the image we paint and want people to believe about us. There is a question, are you that person that has left out certain parts of your story to protect yourself or the image others believe about you? Well, it is understandable because a lot of us have done that including myself and we all had or (still have for others) our valid reasons. Because our lives are not Disney fairytales, we actually deal with real life tragedies. The type of tragedies that we find hard to speak of because we don’t know how well others will receive us, sound familiar? The Truth is the part of the story that carries pain, shame, guilt, regret, anger, embarrassment is not desirable to own up to, but can I tell you that you can’t be you without your full story. Leaving out parts of your story and not owning up to all of it takes away from who you are, and hence the many masked people we interact with daily. Owning up to certain things in your life can leave such a bad taste in your mouth even before you decide to talk to someone about it, but can I tell how liberating it is to finally tell your story.

Side note, people that don’t own up to their stories can be self defensive when someone approaches them about their story. Trust me because I was there a couple of times, we might have to talk in depth about self defense in these coming blogs . The problem with self defense is that it takes you further away from being your true self because you are spending more defending yourself. It can be exhausting, not just mentally, but even physically, so why burden yourself this much?

The big question is how do you own up to your story? How do you add the missing link that you have ever so often left out?

5 ways to own up to your story

  1. Own up to yourself: Might sound silly to some, but mirror talk back to yourself your story. Tell it back to yourself and you will be surprised how many tears you might cry by just talking to yourself about your story and also discover how much you bottled inside.
  2. Take it to God in prayer: If you are not ready to fully own your story to family or friends then good news is that our God who is ever so listening would want to hear from you. Tell him your story, all the good, bad and the ugly. Yes, he knows, but you being able to say it is for your healing.
  3. Share your story with a trusted family or friend: Baby steps, just because you are owning up to your story, it doesn’t mean you stand in a church or go live on social channel to just speak on things that could use some wise words, warmth, encouragement and direction. Speak to your close knit and leave nothing out.
  4. Stop with the self-defense: Because it is exhausting, you need to stop it. If parts of your true story are out their being told by others then stop with the self defense. I know no one wants a bad name out there, trust me I know. Sadly, even in the case of false stories about you, you may need to stop with the self defense because people will also make up their side of their story too and all your defenses will mean nothing to them. Is it unfortunate? Yes, but you are working on your healing and not on a marathon of she said and he said. Find your peace.
  5. Identify your missing links: List all your missing links, the parts you left our in your story and associate the emotion that accompanied them. Are they in the past? or are the missing links still part of your story? If they are then, you got work to do to change that narrative.

Owning up to your story can not be so easy and I totally understand, but the beauty of doing so even while scared is the freedom and peace that comes from it. It is a very vulnerable act and if you ever do it, I applaud you! Here is some scripture affirmation that will push you towards owning up to your story;

There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

Romans 8 vs 1

And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.

Revelations 12 vs 11

How amazing is that? your story matters to God and others need your story. You might not believe me, but there maybe someone out there that needs to hear your story and how you overcame. There is no condemnation! Your story is powerful, so own it. Owning up to it will never take away from you, it does the total opposite! It helps you walk in liberty and peace. Soon in enough you will be able to tell others how you overcame! Tell your story! It is time for you to take your rightful place. It is time to trade thorns for crowns.

Much love,

Xholiwe

Posted on by thornstocrowns

For the hurting neighbor: How to show love, kindness and mercy

Photo by Andrea Tummons on Unsplash

Hello Crowned Royals! I hope you are doing good and are as excited as I am about the changing season. I love autumn and would not be mad if it was an all year-round season. I look forward to all possible autumn activities and cozy nights where I can write to you.

I had this thought last week about how easy it is for us to get so engrossed in our own lives ups and downs that we so easily forget about our neighbor. Who is our neighbor? Our neighbor is everyone! It is the person we walk pass in the store, the pan handler on the street, the teller at the bank, your co-worker, the person that lives next door, your close knit circle such as friends and family and the list goes on. The well being of our neighbor depends on how we show love, kindness and extend mercy to them. I wouldn’t say I have been at the best at showing love, kindness and mercy to my neighbors at all times and I know I don’t speak for myself. How well have you been looking out for your neighbor? I am most certain that not all our neighbors are excited about their lives and may be hurting, right now, they need your love, kindness and mercy just as much as you would want theirs if you were hurting. It shouldn’t surprise you that alot of what we call our society or community walks hurt, talks hurt and continue to deal with life hurt. You may not be a hurting neighbor right now, but you do know how it feels to hurt from your personal experiences. I bet while you were hurting you appreicated the love, kindness and mercy that people showed to you and to some extent it helped you get through. So, why not show the same love, kindness and mercy to a hurting neighbor?

My heart was moved to think about the hurting neighbor after looking at a random post on facebook asking on who attempted suicide this year alone. The many comments that flooded that post overwhelmed me and from that one post, it was so evident that our neighbors are hurting. What broke my heart is that they were hurting that much that taking their own life felt like the better option as they thought no body cared about them. Showing love, kindness and mercy to these neighbors may not be as complicated as you think. Sometimes in life all what people need is a smile, a hug and a listening ear. Caring for another person shouldn’t feel like a chore that you hate doing and trust me there are several chores that I wouldn’t be opposed if someone else did them for me. According to the dictionary, care is defined as the feel of concern or interest or attaching importance to something. The word we would like to think everyone wants to hear is ”I love you”, but for the hurting neighbor we might want to start by saying “I care for you”. In some cases care could be misunderstood as providing provision of material things for someone’s well being, but it is more than that because care goes far beyond material provison. Care in the literal sense is the providing of time and effort to see another human being feel better about their situation. Many people are in dire need for people that actually care. People that care to listen, care to share, care to be present and that is to mention a few. Your might have to be that person for others right about now.

5 ways to show love, kindness and mercy to the hurting

I know there are several ways that this can be done, but I choose to share on these 5 ways and hope it resignates in your heart and pushes you to take a second and check on your neighbor.

  1. Give genuine care: Show that you care for someone, be genuinely concerned, interested and attach equal importance to all those you come across.
  2. Be a listening ear: This can be hard for most of us to do because we are always ready to talk, but when in conversation with a hurting neighbor listening can be of great help to them. Understand that sometimes the hurting neighbor already knows the solution, so your immediate advice or response/react is not not they may need at present, but just allow them to speak.
  3. Fellowship with them: Just like Jesus fellowshipped with the 12 and bigger multitudes, amongst themselves were some that actually hurt and needed to feel like they belong. So you follow the example of Jesus and fellowship together. The word of God does encourage us to do so. Fellowship can be a done through sharing a meal or even ashared fun activity or outing.
  4. Actions speak louder than words: We are not only to think of love, kindness and mercy as an after thought and carry on with our lives, but we are to be doing these very things that show them. Love in action looks like sacrifice, kindness in action looks like helping the our community and mercy on action looks like showing compassion to those that need it as much as we do when we are in need of it.
  5. Use your words wisely: You can speak to the hurting, but choose to be wise about it. Words have this way of either building or breaking others. How you choose to comfort or encourage the hurting is very crucial and should be done with much wisdom and be of genuine intention. The Bible says that words have the power to heal, bring life, bring health, crush the spirit, are life-giving and refreshing (Proverbs 15:4, Proverbs 16:24 and Proverbs 18:4). Read one of my older blogs on how words can make or break a person for an indepth understanding on the power of words.

Start with these few steps and let the hurting neighbor know that you care. We are commanded by the word of God to love our neighbor as we love ourselves, which is one of the greatest commandments that Jesus spoke of in the new testament. (Matthew 22 v 39). This particular verse reminds me that the same love I show for myself, I should show to my neighbor and Visa versa. Unfortunatley, with so many hurting people, not so many are loving themselves enough to extend their love to others, but if you are able to do so, please be the one that is looking out for the hurting neighbor and letting them know that they are not alone. If you find it hard to do so, just reference to Jesus, he examplifed great ways on how we are to show love, kindness and mercy to the hurting neighbor. You can do the same too! It is time for us to make our rightful place! It is time for us to trade thorns for crowns.

Much Love,

Xholiwe