Posted on by thornstocrowns

Normalizing Hurt: There is liberty

When will it all get better?

Some time ago I remember having a conversation with my dear friend in the UK while I was hurting and I asked her, when will it get better? I remember saying that I needed to catch a breath, but when I tried to, it just seemed like I was under deep waters again. She quickly hit me with the word of God that served as a great reminder when I needed it right before I was out there thinking being hurt should be my lifestyle.

2  When you go through deep waters,
    I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
    you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
    you will not be burned up;
    the flames will not consume you.

Isaiah 43 v 2 NLT

Real talk though, have you ever felt that way too? That feeling where you feel like God just healed from some hurt and then soon enough some other hurt finds it’s way to you? You ask yourself why do I find myself in hurting situations and question if there is something wrong with you. Yup! been there and I know how it feels. If not dealt with, It does get to a point where you normalize being hurt all the time and if you don’t get out this mindset that normalizes hurt you may find yourself hurting all the time. Hurting all the time is not normal and if you are a child of God, you certainly will not have to constantly be on an endlessness hurt marathon.

As we journey through life we need to understand that hurt will come in many forms and how we approach it will determine how we will overcome it. I will let you know that if you want to play a victim from your hurt, you are well on your way to an endless hurting marathon. However, if you play a victor from your hurt, you are about to get through life with a better understanding that hurting should not be normalized. You will have the knowledge to look at hurt as a place of growth versus it being a death sentence. Do you know how many people die thinking that constantly hurting was normal for them. I am guessing a lot of people, unless you think other wise. Understand me when I say that hurt should not be normalized in your life. You should not get so used to being hurt that it starts to feel like a lifestyle for you. No one wakes up in the morning everyday looking to get hurt, but have you ever just thought about what environments you allow in your life that can easily get your hurt. The people in your life, are they people that encourage you and see the greater worth in you? Are they people that treat you well and speak kindly to you without hurting you? Are you able to speak up to them in a respectful way when you feel hurt by their words or actions? If your answers to all these questions are no, then it is most likely that this is where you are experiencing some of your constant hurt. When it comes to people we fall under the obligation to keep them around even when they hurt us because they are family, they are friends, they are co-workers and we forget that toxic is toxic. Day after day the people around you find ways to hurt you and eventually it becomes normal for you. In this case, I would like to tell you that there is nothing wrong with giving yourself permission to avoid toxic people and enjoy some peace for once in your life.

Truth is that not every person in your life or people you meet along the way are out to hurt you, but if you have normalized hurt, you will be looking to get hurt because it seems normal for you. Your normal has become crying all night, your normal has become hurting others with your words because you are hurting and isolating yourself in the fear of being hurt again. If you don’t cry, you will want to find a reason to cry, so what do you do? Go back 10 years ago to some major hurt and cry the whole night because that feels normal. I beg to differ, our hurt can either make us or break us and that solely depends on how we normalize it. Learning from your hurt and overcoming helps you realize that hurt is only but a stepping stone that helps you grow.

Some of you would probably tell me that you have been hurting since childhood and if you were honest with me and yourself, you would say you feel like it has been an endless series of hurt. Hear me when I say that I am not ruling out the fact that we all have experienced some major hurts in our lives. For some it may be death of loved ones, divorce, heartbreak, betrayal, rejection and the list goes on, but that doesn’t mean we should expect death, constant rejection, heartbreak etc in the entirety of our lives. We need to work on that mindset that has made us believe that it is normal for us to be constantly hurt that when we feel happy we get suspicious. There is freedom that comes from overcoming that mindset that tells normalizing hurt in your life is the only way you should live your life.

18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 19 For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. 20 For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.

Romans 8 v 18-21 NIV

I love how the book of Romans in this particular chapter makes it so clear that we as the creation of God will be subjected to frustration, which in other words I can call hurt, but we are to liberate ourselves from it and experience freedom! It is possible to be liberated, but we have to put in the work. We have to decide that hurt should not be normalized in our lives and we should be seeking liberty from this type of mindset.

I leave you with these last words, you are not a victim of hurt, you are an over comer. I urge you to break away from the mindset that has made you normalize hurt that you don’t know any other way to live your life unless you are hurting. It is possible to live a life where you are not constantly expecting to be hurt. Let’s put in the work! We are shifting from Thorns to Crowns!

Much Love,

Xholiwe

Posted on by thornstocrowns · 3 Comments

The Power of words: Make or Break

Make a conscious decision with your words.
-Xholiwe

What a busy weekend this has been, but as always the weekend is never enough to get things done. I am glad, however, that I finally got my hands on my laptop because I would love to share on what is so significant in our lives and that is words. I am not talking about the words we use vaguely in our daily lives, I am talking about words that can either make us or break us.

We all remember that one great compliment that we received and how it brightened our day. We also remember that negative word that was spoken to us or spoken by us and it hurt us badly. Unfortunately, is it very easy to remember being called a failure than it is to remember that you were once successful in something. Why do words have some much power? Because words are the essence of all our lives, words can build our character and in the same way words can break our character. Ever wondered what happened to the sweet innocent girl from middle school that turned into an a mean girl in High School? No, it is not always puberty, but maybe along the way as she grew up she got bullied or was not spoken to in kindness by people around her.

The word of God makes it clear that words are powerful, with words God created and also with words God destroyed. In the same way, we can create and destroy, not just ourselves, but those around us. Let me talk about making for a second, as a child I was often told by my mother that I was smart and that I could do great things. My mother would remind me more of my strengths more than she did remind me of my weaknesses. Her doing so made me believe fairly quickly in my early childhood in myself and my abilities. She built my character in such a way that till this day, I am confident in my strengths and abilities. Making or building others takes us using the right words to encourage and uplift each others. Good words such as you are loved, you are wonderful, you are smart, you are unique and talented have a way of turning someone that felt like a zero to a champion. You don’t believe me? Ask the woman that was in a verbally abusive marriage and later on in life escaped and met the right person who told her she was loved. She will tell you that it changed her life and how she looks at herself. I am not the one to speak for the verbally abused woman since I have not experienced that, but I bet you that she is 10 times a better woman that she was in her previous marriage. There is something about using kind words that changes people and that shows you how powerful words are in our lives. Also, kind words towards yourself have a way of building you to truly understand who you are and believe in your abilities even when people around you want to break you. There is a sense of freedom that comes with using these words to free you from all that is not true about you.

Breaking words on the other hand are what we constantly need to heal from and it is unfortunate that so many people are surrounded by negative words. Breaking words/negative words can make champion feel like a zero, negative words have a way of breaking a person’s character to a point where they actually start to believe them. Yes, the son that was constantly called a failure by his father because he did not live up to his father exceptions believes that he is a failure. Negative words have a way of misrepresenting who we are and truth is the devil wants us to believe that because it would be easy for us to fall for his traps. When we focus so much on these words, it is very easy for us to lose who we are or who we are meant to be. Remember how I told you that it is easy to remember a negative word than it is to remember a compliment? Why is that? because negative words damage the spirit and with each negative word, it takes a little piece of you that is the essence of you. Eventually what happens is that the negative words outweigh the kind words and who you are supposed to be is buried under a pile of words. But do you have to stay there? No, you have break out and it may require a lot from you than just a couple feel good songs and a spa session. It is time to take your rightful place! Who told you breaking means that you can not be mended and made whole again? Tell that person that they are a liar because God is able mend all the pieces that where taken away from you because of negative words spoken over you. Believe me when I say this because I took along the journey of life have had not be spoken to so kindly and it had to take God to mend those broken pieces that where all bundled in a capable of negative words spoken over me.

Because I know words are powerful, I choose to be very cautious about how I talk to people and my choice of words. My suggestion is that you make a conscious decision with your words. Use kind words towards others, even those that are not so kind to you, you just never know what they are going through and your kind words might change their day.

Kind words are like honey—
    sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.

Proverbs 16:24 NIV

Speak with love and respect for others and teach those around you to speak to you that way too. Parents teach your children to speak with love and respect for others because kids have a way of learning from you. Surround yourself with people that use words to build you, to encourage, to uplift you and help you heal from all the negative words you have heard about you. Read the bible, the word in that book is living and active! There are so many promises and truths about you that live in that word.

Final thought, proverbs 20:15 says, “Wise speech is rarer and more valuable than gold or rubies.” Be that rarer person that speaks wisely and kindly towards others, extend the same grace God has given you. Lastly, help others heal! we all still battle with some negative words that broke us along the journey of life.

Posted on by thornstocrowns

Let your faith be greater than your fear

Giant leaps are not for wimps.
-Xholiwe

I am notoriously known for displaying inspirational quotes and bible verses and quite honestly find the pleasure in hanging up each and every one of them in almost every room in my apartment. These inspirational quotes and bible verses serve as a reminder for me especially when I am not so in tune with myself and just feel discouraged. I can’t pick a favorite quote or bible verse that is hang up in my house, but I would like to point out the canvas that hangs right above my bookshelf . I have many times glanced at this canvas that reads “let your faith be greater than your fear” and for the many times I have looked at this canvas, I have needed those words to help me look pass my fears and activate my faith. You probably don’t have this canvas that reminds you time after time that you have to let your fear be greater than your faith, but I hope this blog serves as a reminder for you. For those that are like me and have this displayed or hanging somewhere in your space, good for you, but let as dive more into the quote and learn ways we can apply it to our lives.

Fear often times has a way of limiting our abilities and strength to conquer all the obstacles we face as we journey through life. As humans we face some many different fears that it is very easy to notice each other fears without verbal confirmation. Have you ever noticed the fear the shy girl displays when she is asked to present her project to the whole class? Yeah, that fear of public speaking is easy to recognize, but what of the fear that you personally have and allowed it be greater than your faith. So maybe you fear is public speaking and because you have allowed this fear to limit your abilities to speak to larger crowds, it ends up taking away from your the desire to engage with larger crowds. I would like for us to understand that fear takes away, while faith adds to our lives. However, it is easy to hold on to our fears versus letting go because fear has a way of keeping us in our comfort zones while faith requires us trust God and step out of our comfort zones.

Understand that fear starts small and progressively gets bigger. In the same way, faith starts small and progressively can get bigger. In this case, the choice remains entirely up to you. You have the choice to either make your fears bigger or make your faith bigger and I would say pick the second choice. When you start to increase your faith, it is becomes easy to overcome your fear. Here is a practical example; I was feeling adventurous last year in Zambia and decided I wanted to zip-line from Zambia to Zimbabwe, but I feared! The thought of being over water at such a great height and only hold up by a couple of ropes was frightening. I remember shaking and thinking of backing out last minute, but I was already strapped in and only a few steps away from what I thought was my death. When the man that operated the zip-line let go of me for a second there I felt my heart drop, but once I saw the view, I was amazed and glad i did it! This whole experience that lasted only a minute was so profound for me that I am glad I did it! If I allowed my fear take over me, I would have missed out on such a beautiful view!

Faith requires more from us than fear does, but the difference is that faith is rewarding. I have met some people that have such great faith and they testify of how they stepped out in faith and that their lives were never the same again. They talk about the blessings that came from overcoming their fears and allowing their faith to be greater. These are people who took huge leaps and had faith only in God to step into their situation. I want us to realize that sometimes what stands between our fears and faith is us. We have to make the leap, whatever your leap is, you have to make. Giant leaps are not for wimps. Giant leaps require that unshakable faith that can withstand all your fears.

For we walk by faith, not by sight

2 Corinthians 5:7 ESV

All this was to say to you, let your faith be greater than your fear. You can overcome whatever fear that has stood between you and the life you much desire. Let faith arise in you and increase progressively so that it gets so big that there is no room for fear any longer. And whatever you ask you in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith (Matthew 21:22 ESV)

Posted on by thornstocrowns

Crown of Thorns to Crowns of Life

He that wore a Crown of Thorns now wears a Crown of Life
-Xholiwe

As we are still in the spirit of celebrating the resurrection of Jesus Christ, I thought of sharing on how possible it is for us to go from dealing with pain to being whole again. We are all excited that Christ has risen and oh what a joy to know that the tomb is empty! Jesus the King of heaven and earth is seated on the throne and he that was crucified for your sin is alive. It is great that we are celebrating, but can we take some time to learn from Jesus about pain and wholeness for he that wore a crown of thorns now wears a crown of life. If you don’t have any examples of people in your life that endured pain and became whole please feel free to take your example off Jesus.

Just like Jesus, we too have had to endure pain and that crown of thorns sometimes leaves us wondering if there is the slightest possibility that we can take it off. Truth is that if Jesus did it, so can we. We do face pain I know and sometimes that pain feels so pressed deep on our minds and hearts that it feels like the crown of thorns is a permanent accessory you have to wear for the rest of your life. The devil is a liar! Because he that wore a thorn of crowns now wears a crown of life and so can we! I remember dealing with pain so much that I thought it would always be that way. I thought I would have to live the rest of my life wearing a crown of thorns, but Jesus had another plan for me and so does he for you!

Healing from pain is not an overnight phenomenon. It is a process that requires you to trust God more than anything. You want the healing bad enough to trust God who knows your heart and every part that hurts. God knows every thorn that is embedded in the crown that has kept you hurtful, bitter, angry and unforgiving, depressed, prideful, and any other things that haunt you because of the pain you have had to deal with in your life.

Would you believe me when I say that you shouldn’t have to feel that way the rest of your life. Would you believe me if I say that peace is possible! Would you believe when I say that healing of pain from every thorn is possible! I never for a second thought it was possible because the pain that I allowed to sit on my head started to feel normal. Yes, we can normalize pain and act out of our pain and see nothing wrong with it. One wise woman once said that when you sit in stinky places for too long, you no longer have a sense of the bad smell because you have normalized it. Same way with pain, we sit in it for too long and normalize it. I was once so bitter and would say that is just the way it is, ummm no! I needed some healing from my pain and if God did not step in, I would still be acting out of my pain.

Here is the thing, we think that when we hold on to pain we are doing ourselves a favor, that is so wrong on 20 different levels that we could talk about in another blog. I want us to realize the power of letting go and allowing God to heal us and make us whole. Can God take us from wearing a crowns of thorns to wearing crowns of life? Yes! Because Jesus was his example for us. What does wearing a crown of life look like? When someone tells you that you dont look like or act like what you have been through. I take that as confirmation that I am healing from my pain when some stranger that I tell my testimony is amazed by all that I had to endure. Crowns of life are filled with peace, hope, faith, love and believing that all the pain you have to face in life will pass. The verse of promise in James 1:12 comforts me and hope it does for you too.

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.

James 1:12 ESV

There are so many verses in the bible that talk of crowns and that should confirm something in your spirit right now. God gave us this promise and hope that we will receive crowns of life. A crown of life just like Jesus receive on the third day he resurrected from the grave. We too will have it! How exciting is it to know that we too can wear crowns of life.

Let us continue celebrating our resurrected king, let us also be reminded that he is resurrecting us from all the pain that we have normalized for too long. We are trading our crown of thorns for crowns of life.

Posted on by thornstocrowns

Collectibles: Can Pain be a collectible?

Sometimes what we do is display our pain just like a passionate collector displays their findings.
-Xholiwe

It was not until I moved to the US that I discovered how collecting specific items was a thing that people took very seriously. Passionate collectors make it their primary mission to find rare collectible items for their satisfaction. There are several collectible items people choose to collect, items such as coins, chinaware, figurines, books, stamps, paintings, signed baseballs and the list goes on! Have you ever been around people that collect similar stuff? If you have never done so, I suggest you do because the conversation is full of passion and desire for the next item they plan to collect and display. I was graced with the opportunity to be around such conversations for an assigned project in college that involved me visiting an Antique store and I never thought doorknobs were that important till that day. There were two passionate doorknob collectors that shared their love for collecting door knobs that could not stop raving about door knobs and how they add character to a home. The antique store I visited had what they needed, a variety of doorknobs that they took the time to carefully study and share their thoughts on each one. While I didn’t have the interest to learn about doorknobs, one thing that was very clear to me was that these people were passionate and it would take a lot to convince them that the doorknobs to me looked like every other doorknob. There was nothing that screamed meaningful to me about the doorknobs and that is because it is not my thing and I did not share the same passion as they did for doorknobs.

To my knowledge, I don’t think I collect specific items, but I was thinking hard on collectibles this week and that is why I am writing on it. I will obviously be use collectibles to talk about collecting pain because pain can be a collectible too! Don’t believe me?! Find two people in conversation that are dealing with similar pain and reference back to my story about the two doorknob collectors.

How do we collect pain you ask? Well, for some of us it starts as early as our childhood and then over the years it piles up. We get to our adult years and we have been bruised and battered by the pains of this world. It is very easy at this point in our lives to even display our pain without even noticing we are doing so because it how been with us for a long time. Sometimes what we do is display our pain just like a passionate collector displays there findings. Pain is usually displayed through our anger, hatred, depression, bitterness and sorrow. And then we get around other people with similar pain and we share our pains like a crazed figurine collectors. Unfortunately, most of these conversations are not shared from a place of healing, but we still hold on to every pain because it feels safer to hold on to it rather than letting go. You become a hoarder of your collectible pains, just like any other collector, you have a tough time letting go because it is meaningful to you and no one felt what you felt right? I get it, I have been there too! I thought my pain was my trophy, but in actuality it was my prison. Truth is that it very easy to pile up on pain after pain if you continue to allow pain to dictate how you live your life.

Unfortunately, when we continue to be around those that are dealing with similar pain, healing can be difficult. In that case, we need to surround ourselves with those that want your healing and theirs too. What this does is that it encourages us to focus less on our pains and start to desire healing. All of us have dealt with pain, big or small it is still pain, but how we decide to deal with pain determines how long we will stay in that prison. When Jesus was on earth, he did not just heal people physically, but he also healed the broken. Jesus wants to see us healed and whole, but we have normalized pain that we find nothing wrong living our lives full of it.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalms 34:18 NIV

Rest in this verse that tells you that the Lord is close to the brokenhearted. People around you may not understand what this pain really did to you, but he know and he wants to save you from all of it, not some, but all! You have to stop treating pain like a trophy and realize that it is a prison you need to be set free from. I challenge you today to treat pain as a give away, all the pain you have collected over the year needs to be given to God. It is time to clear out the display of thorns and time to replace the thorns with crowns.

Posted on by thornstocrowns

Ready.Set.Go!

Positioning yourself before and during the race matter
-Xholiwe

If anyone knows a thing or two about track racing, you know that it requires more of you to actually put in the work in order to get the results you desire. I ran track in middle school and I was a sprinter that enjoyed running short distances really fast. Not to brag, I was one of the fast girls in the school and was part of the school track team. If you have ever been a racer, you know that the actual race is nothing compared to the time before you start. As a racer, I remember all the nerves that flared up before the race began. Getting into position and waiting for the whistle that signals us to go was nerve wrecking, even as I write right now it brings back those feelings I would get before the race. You know those feelings right? the eagerness, the uncertainty, the excitement and the determination to win this race all rushing through your mind and only for a second you focus your gaze on your track. The questions that I had in those few seconds were; am I ready? can I win? what if I lose? who am I disappointing? and my last thoughts before the signal were that my team was counting on me and my mother is in the stands, I have to make her proud! Wait, what about me? and by then, it is too late.

Goooo! The whistle blows and there I go! Uncertain, but believing in my own abilities even though before the race I heard that the girl in the third lane after me is a very fast sprinter and is most likely to win first place. Well, that should not bother me because I am here to run my race. Before you know it I was pushing myself to win the race, all my effort was projected towards being first and just when I was close to taking first place, I stumbled and fell. How did that happen? I was so close, this was supposed to be an easy win. However, my mother never raised a quitter, so I stood up and picked up my pace again because I had to finish the race. I may have not finished the race first, but I heard applause in the stands and from my team, and at that moment I was glad that I did not give up! I ran my race!

Do you realize that our journey in life almost sounds similar to that of the a track racer. We are sometimes put in positions that require our patience to wait before we are signaled to go. Those positions can easily flare up our nerves and have us asking all kinds of questions. Unlike the ready, set, go signal that only takes a couple of seconds for a racer, we sometimes face longer waits in life, it could be weeks, months, years before we are signaled to go. However, how we respond to this wait will determine our outcome. If our response is channeled from our fears, guilt, shame, hurt, anger and all other heavy burdens, we are in for long tedious race. Do you know why track racers wear light clothing and shoes? It is to be able to run the race as light as possible. A track racer will not be advised to wear a heavy winter coat while they race because it slows them down, the same way your negative responses keep you in undesired situations. What if you decide to respond differently? Allowing hope, love,faith, peace, excitement, eagerness would be like you wearing light weight clothing and shoes that help you run your race easily. The key here is to be able to recognize that your response to every situation you face in life can either move you forward or keep you where you are and the choice is entirely up to you.

After we are signaled to go, it is not a guarantee that we will not face opposition, obstacles and set back. The word of God says that we will go through trials, but we should be of good cheer. If anyone knows trial, I know you are saying what is there to be cheerful about? I thought that too, until God made it clear to me what he meant about being of “good cheer “even though life has me down. It means realizing that whatever trial you maybe going through will pass and God is fighting your battle. When God gets involved there is no doubt that the battle will be won in your favor. I know we all wish life was roses and waterfalls, but there times when we stumble and fall and some falls are mighty. Nevertheless, it doesn’t mean we stay down, you know why? because people depend on you finishing your race. What you endure and overcome will help others learn from you and grow.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

2 Timothy 4:7

We also need to realize the importance of focusing our goals, dreams, desires on what God has called us to do. If we spend most of our time looking at others tracks, we miss a whole lot of our own race. Rather than focusing on who is better or who is not, I would say let us believe in our own abilities and channel our effort to be better than we were before. Remember that every race is different, sometimes it may require more effort from you than others. Every racer can tell you that not every race is the same. With that said, not every life journey is the same and the sooner you realize that the better for you and those counting on you.

My last thoughts about life and racing is that it doesn’t matter whether you come first or last. If you can just finish strong and at the pace God has you on. There is no need to rush things that God already knows you need. Patience! Patience! Patience! Wait on the Lord and he will renew your strength. You have to keep the faith and always remember that all things will work together for your good! Let’s keep running!

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Accepting your truth; letting go of denial

Just like Peter, we too have denied the truth in fear of being condemned
-Xholiwe

Can we take a moment to address the elephant in the room? Can we talk about living in denial and how it has some of us disillusioned to not accepting our truth. We all know that one person who denies having an anger issue, everyone confirms that the person has an anger issue, except the person with the anger issues. Another way of looking at denial is when everyone at the restaurant tells you that you got food between your teeth and you choose to deny it until you go to the bathroom and take a look in the mirror.

Denial by definition is the action of declaring something to be untrue. Before you come at me with your theologies and defense tatics, I want to let you know that denial has a two way approach. First, you can deny bad experiences that were spoken in falsehood about you and defend yourself because those bad experiences are indeed untrue. Secondly, you can also deny bad experiences that actually happened and you were part of it either voluntary or involuntary and defend yourself because those bad experiences were/are your reality. Lets get the cat out of the bag, I will spend my time talking about the second approach of denial because it has had many of us fearful to face our truth.

I am not a psychologist so I don’t have big psychological terminology that will convince you that you are living in denial when you should be facing your truth. However, what I do have is experience, I have had a couple of bad experiences that happened in my own life that were true, but it was hard for me to face my truth. I tried to sweep it under the rag like most of us do and pretend that I have it all together. I can go all day telling you about my bad events that I chose to deny, but there is no experience in my life that is compared to the lose of my mother. My mother passed away in 2012, and let me tell you that her death changed almost everything that I thought my life should have been. I was in total denial about her death for a very long time. I could not accept the reality I was facing, but I was good at putting up a brave face because everyone expected me to be strong. I often could not face the fact that I was orphaned of both my parents and being an only child didn’t help me much. If you know a thing or two about only children you will understand what I mean. My reality was that my mother was no more and that I had to figure out life without her, move to a different country without her, graduate college without her, get married without her, have children without her and that was not easy to accept. So I fought with my thoughts at night and wished everything that just happened was just a dream, but it was reality that I could not face at the time. So your question would be, how did you accept this truth and face it? I had a crazy man I call my brother William that made me speak my truth and call me out on my denial. This was not an easy process because I was in full denial mode. Despite of the constant defense of my actions, I got to a place that led me to accepting my truth. All truth, not just my mother’s death, but a whole lot of my other mistakes and regrets. I can’t stress enough the importance of having truth tellers in your life, people that will tell you the truth no matter how it hurts because they want to see you walk free (read my blog on freedom).

I can tell you that ever since I started to accept my truth, it is so much easier to live my life without denying my reality. I don’t know what you are struggling to accept right now and it is your reality, all I can tell you is that the quicker you face it, the quicker your peace of mind. Do not feel like you have it bad because if we look back to the bible, Peter denied Jesus, not once, but three times. Peter denied ever being with Jesus (the truth) because of fear of being killed too. We too have denied our truth because we fear being judged, judgment feels like death because people are constantly judging others like it is a competition. Truth is that we should be talking about what we are struggling to face because the more we talk about it, the freer we get from it and hence we start to accept our reality.

It all starts in the mind, our thoughts can ran our lives for us if we do not take charge of them. It is very easy to make an illusion that fools people into thinking your life is sunshine and rainbows, meanwhile you still carry around pain that happened to you as a little girl or boy. You are still pondering on the mistakes you made as a teenager and beating yourself about it. You lose sleep over regrets that happened when your not mature enough to tell who was genuine in your life. I know this because I have been there, but I am not allowing myself to stay in denial! I am accepting my truth and learning my lessons. (read my blog: L’s are for Lessons). I would hope the since you are on my blog, you are looking to accept your truth too.

There is no shame what so ever that comes with accepting your truth, it is actually a blessing to speak your truth and be free!

It is time to turn that mess into a message, you have a lot of people waiting on you to face your truth so that they can learn for you and live a life free from the fear of being judged.

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free

John 8:32

There are some of the approaches that I use to help me deal with denial that I think can help you too;

  • Revisit all the bad experiences in your life that you know for sure that you continue to deny till this day; some of you might have to revisit your childhood, teenage years and most recent events in your adult life.
  • There may be some tears as you revisit some of these events, but that’s okay, tears heal the soul.
  • Talk to someone you trust; a family member, a friend, a pastor, a counselor about this because you don’t have to go through this alone
  • Write down the feelings that come with those bad events and ask yourself why those feelings are there
  • Forgive yourself and others that were involved
  • Spend time in prayer; fast if you can!
  • Remind yourself that you an overcome despite all that happened you are still alive and strong!
  • Face your truth because there is no need to be in denial when you have a whole life to live!

With that said, My prayer for you all is that God who is the truth steps into our lives and helps us realize soon enough that there is no profit that comes from denying our truth. To all that read this, let us accept our truth and let go of denial!

Posted on by thornstocrowns · 1 Comment

L’s are for Lessons

“Lessons are blessings in disguise”
-Xholiwe

“Wait, what? I know I did not take another L!” just when life felt like it was getting better, those words have come out of my mouth. L’s by definition from the urban dictionary are loses. We usually find ourselves talking about taking L’s when in conversation with our peers and it has been common to laugh about it and go home still trying to understand why are we are taking another L. L’s being loses sometimes come from a places of regret, shame, guilt, fear and denial. Sometimes it may not be as serious because we may have lost a bet and took an L. However, when life gets real for some of you, you take huge L’s that could literally change your life if you don’t look at it differently. There are some huge L’s that if we do not have a different perspective would take you down and out;

  • Lose of a loved one through death
  • Heartbreak; break up, separation, divorce
  • Lose of a job
  • Financial loses
  • Lose of business
  • Failing in school

The L’s that are listed are a few of many, but I believe at least a handful of people have experienced one of those L’s at some stage in their lives. There also are people that have experienced all the listed L’s and some. There are also people that have not experienced these major L’s, for you I say my prayers go out to you and when the L’s do come, be strong in the Lord.

I have taken some L’s too and sometimes ask myself, did this just happen again? I have lost loved ones, I have gone through heartbreak and often times that came with pain, regret, shame, guilt and fear etc. I missed that part that most of us miss, and recently have been trying to turn my thinking around my L’s and how I handle them. I am now asking myself, what is the lesson here Lord, what should I learn? This is a tough question for me, I am guessing it would be for you too because it can be hard to see lessons in the midst of your pain. How do I take the lesson as I deal with the lose of a loved one or a major heartbreak? Well, stop for a second and put the pain aside and spend sometime in prayer asking God what you need to learn from your L. When you do this, you discover more of your character and who you are in the midst of lose. If you communicate with God enough he will reveal to you all these questions you may have regarding your L’s. When he does, please do not ignore it and turn to your own conclusion.

Lessons are a blessing in disguise! We may not see it most of the time, but they are! I believe when we learn our lessons from our loses we are less likely to make the same mistakes. Another thing we do is be mad at God for losing a loved one and I thank God I quickly realized it was pointless and foolish of me to be mad. I was mad at God because I lost a loved one and it is not fun. Being mad at God for your loses does not change the fact that he is still God, but for you on the other hand, you are continue to struggle instead of going to God and seeking comfort in his presence.

Some of the lessons we learn have put us back in alignment with God’s will. There are certain L’s we took because of our own disobedience and God had to correct us. Just like any loving parent would to his/her child, God corrects us so that we are not lead to think our L’s are the end of us. When he corrects us sometimes it is can be unpleasant, but later on we are grateful because we changed for the better. Through the process, we got to improve our characters, understand more of God and his works and understand that L’s are for lessons.


No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
12 Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. 13 “Make level paths for your feet,”[a so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.

Hebrews 12:11-13

As a student, the thing you don’t want to be doing while the teacher is giving a lesson is being distracted, skipping class or asleep. Once you miss a fundamental step or concept, you will find it very difficult to pass the test. Same thing with God, as he is teaching us our lessons from major loses, let us not be distracted or asleep. When we do so, we set ourselves up for yet another L that may cost us more than the L we took before because we did not learn from the lesson. Learn your lesson, the future you will be grateful that you did!

Posted on by thornstocrowns

Come as you are

There is no use hiding from God, he knows every little detail about you
-Xholiwe

I would like to speak for myself, but I am pretty sure you have had the same feeling once in your life or multiple times like me. The feeling that makes you feel like you have not done enough to be qualified and hold the title of a christian. Or maybe that feeling that you are too broken for God to even take a second out of his time for you. If this sounds familiar to you, I have some good news for you! God is saying come as you are, flaws and all! There is no use hiding from God, he knows every little detail about you.

I believe society makes it harder for people to come as they are because we have set so many unreasonable standards that leave majority of the people out. Hence we live to perfect our lives on our own not realizing that we can not do this on our own, we need the help of God. The saying that says we are not perfect is true, but what is often left out is that we can be made perfect through Christ who is perfect (Matthew 5:48). Because society makes it hard for people to come as they are, people find it hard to come as they are to God. Truth is, we want to be perfect first before presenting ourselves because we fear judgement. I have heard people say that they can’t do the christian thing yet because their life is a mess, they say they will try it when they have their lives together. I get where they are coming from because I thought that too, that everything had to be perfect with me first, that I shouldn’t be dealing with shame, pain, confusion, bitterness or anger because it is not is christian thing to do, but boy was I wrong! There were so many examples of people in the bible that were not perfect and still went to God with their imperfections. King David is my primary example, as anointed as he was, he messed up, but he still ran to God even in his mess. He said he would rather be punished in the hands of God than man. He chose that option because he knew that God knew him in a way that man would never know him. So before you feel like you have messed up and feel unworthy be reminded that even mighty men and women of God have not always got it right, but they still ran to him.

I think it would be pointless for me to write this without talking about the story of the prodigal son because this will help you understand what I am trying to say to you. The story of the prodigal son is the classic Sunday school story that I really did not give much thought to as a kid because to be honest I was ready to eat some candy after the lesson. Now that I am older and have much greater sense of the word of God, this story is so profound that I could spend the whole day talking about it.

The prodigal son is clearly a “come as you are” example in all forms of context. The prodigal son thought he had his life figured out, like most of us, we think that we have things figured out and want to handle life based of our limited abilities. Also, the prodigal son prematurely received his inheritance and went as far away as he could from his father. We too have asked God for our inheritance prematurely and took matters into our own hands that evenly took us far away from God’s will over our lives. Just like the prodigal son, we made bad choices, we took for granted our inheritance, misused it and allowed the wrong people to influence us. Just like the prodigal son we were left with nothing, and were put in situations that were shameful and painful. We knew for sure that our father had wealth and that life humbled us. It humbled us enough to tell us to go back home, to go back to our father despite of our terrible mess and because we were so ashamed, we were willing to just be servants. So we head home as we are, in our rags, with our shame and our pain, and we are ready to be servants, but to our surprise we are welcomed. It is like our father has been waiting for us this whole time! Oh what joy we feel when we get back into the loving arms of our father. Luke 15:20 is a vivid picture of how God waits on us always!


So he got up and went to his father.
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

Luke 15:20 (NIV)

If you are waiting to get it right with God, you will always be waiting and missing out the royal treatment. You can never be ready for something, if you wait to be ready, you will never get it done. Life is too short for you to continue to live with shame, pain, anger, bitterness, worry, depression, you name it when you know God is a King. God would take all that away in an instant if you just come as you are and place it in his capable hands. No party is lit than a heavenly party when the prodigal sons make their way back home! No, you are not a slave to your past, yes you did mess up, but now that you have had enough, please pick up your crown and let us go party!

Posted on by thornstocrowns

Being your own Cheerleader

“Nothing is more exciting than cheering your self on and actually seeing result” -Xholiwe

I know it is only two years ago, but I remember it as if it was yesterday! I just graduated and was spending most of my days and nights applying for jobs. There some days that believe I put in at least 15-20 applications. I mean I was determined, I was excited, positive and was so ready to do the adult thing and have an actual job. But soon that excitement turned into frustration, discouragement and stress because I was not getting that job I much desired. Soon enough I was buying into the fear of what others said about people who study “liberal arts” that they end up without a proper job. There was also that dreadful question of “how is the job hunt going?” that I was trying to answer politely, but deep down I had a lot to say about my frustrations and impatience. Rejection letters and no call backs after initial interviews had me feeling down and out. I remember not even wanting to apply anymore, for a good week or so I did not touch my laptop because I felt defeated. Mind you that in this time I was praying, fasting, serving in church, receiving words of encouragement, but still nothing was coming to fruition. I can tell you the whole story about how everything turned out, but I want to get to the good part about being your own cheerleader. Let me conclude this story by saying I got the job God promised I would get after a couple of hurdles and feel of defeat, I started to be intentional and cheered myself on while everyone worried about me.

The story I just shared with you was for you to know me a little bit better and also recognize that this was one of my trials and tribulations. The pain (thorn) that came not being offered a job almost had me operating with the wrong attitude, but the word of God that is living and active turned this around for me. We all know that verse in the bible that tells us to be of good cheer right? Well, if you don’t, that is okay too! There it is;

These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

John 16:33

I don’t know what your test or tribulation is, it may be big or little, but if you follow the instructions from the word above you right now, you are about to pick up your crown. The thing that comes with being able to cheer yourself on, or in other word believe in yourself is far greater than you think. You maybe thinking nothing of what you just did, but if do this right you will see results. I tell you this because I have been in tough situations and used cheering myself on in several of them and to my surprise everything turned out good. I am not easy was that easy, but if you keep at it, it does get much easier to be of good cheer regardless of the magnitude of your situation.

There may even come a season in your life where family and friends can not cheer you on because they have their own trials and tribulations to fight through. When that happens you have to be there for you, you have to show up in the bleachers and cheer for you. You got this! I mean just look at how far you have come!

I need you to be your biggest fan before anyone comes to support you, know that you are capable and well equipped with the power of God to back you up. I don’t recommend you stay in that place of defeat because nothing grows there and there is little room for God to work things out.

How do you cheer yourself on? I am glad you asked! Well, how about some words of affirmation? The power in speaking into your life is far greater than keeping silent. Words that affirm the truth about you will shift your attitude just like it did mine when I was in the job hunting season. You may need to repeat them through the day, most especially when you feel that feeling of defeat. There are some words of affirmation that have and continue to help me through my trials and tribulations.

  • I am loved by God
  • I am fearfully and wonderfully made
  • I am an over comer because Jesus overcame
  • I am beautiful
  • I am unique
  • I am strong
  • I am capable to do all things through Christ
  • I am not alone
  • I am not defeated
  • I am a winner, no matter the situation

Please feel free to use these words of affirmation and add to the list what you know is true about you! Stay encouraged! It is just a matter of time before that thorn is traded in for a crown. In the meantime, cheers to you!